Love Pages Turn

I truly let my heart be open again

            It’s been hard and trying

            But it is.

I took chances.

Some I had to bend the truth for

So that no one could hold me back

            Or tell me no.

My choices, my nine lives.

I chose to be a true butterfly—

With wings that shimmered around,

            Invisible to all except those that saw the real me.

I tried being with others

And let my open heart move on

But I saw the growth.

            I saw the love.

Still there.

            Stronger.

And I’ve held on.

            No matter

How much

           

            I wish I didn’t.

Perhaps

No worries, philosophy free of drama.

We aim, we strive, we hope and crave,

We revolve and rotate. Aching.

We need to spend time together,

It’s a given no one else truly sees.

We want and you promise—

Promises being the only thing that guarantees I’ll wait.

A lion, strong and tall you stand

Dark mane to your shoulders,

Eyes. Eyes that upon the occasion have looked at me

And seen through. With you, I am not bulletproof.

I’m not the cocky madam who’s witty and sly,

Knocking men down like surprised flies

Who allow me a comfort palace,

They smile and want to please—

No, with you, I am most quiet.

I am demure yet open.

With others, almost nothing but one act

Can shut my mind silent.

Everything else is loud and in my head, broken.

They see the fun, they see the wild,

They entertain the girl with her hair let down.

You nourish the heart.

You twine like two knotted pinkies around my soul.

I always come back,

Invisible ties calling me home.

For you I would run

For you I would give up

I’d change the drama,

Embrace with open arms, opportunity—

The kind both of us have always dreamed.

Two peas whose love story

Has been hard, always.

Whose feelings, hidden,

Come easy.

Lost souls where one is often giving birth to faith

In the other. Now we are both teetering,

Perhaps it’s time? Take hands—

Hold tight, grab on to happiness with fight,

We’ll take flight.

We need to be in this together,

Not fall back on being lone rangers.

No worries, problems will be taken on,

Saddle the burdens as one,

White light surround us.

What do you say? Carry on, make this present turn to future—

And be ours?

Dissonance

Sometimes I wonder

If perhaps my heart

Would have a better chance

In another world,

Or over across the ocean.

So many days,

I feel that pull

But I’m never sure if the place

That holds my love

Feels the draw that

Begs to be allowed to consume

The soul.

Maybe if I were to put distance—

A great divide,

The heart would stand a chance

For love without looking back.

Sure, communication

And memories, they wouldn’t have to cease

But like the beats of drum

The thrum would have more dissonance

Due to the branching of space,

Separating.

It’d alter the sounds,

Perhaps some silence.

Is there a chance?

Will the heart get such of one?

I don’t foresee it.

I’ll always end up losing,

He’ll always be the soul that won.

Possibility

I was afraid to hope

But I did it anyways.

You were the one I gave my heart to,

A piece of me is always yours

The way a piece of stardust

Will always belong to the infinite universe.

I’m still going to talk;

Still going to hold you in reverence.

My dreams were you

And now I’m going to fold them up

Like worn love letters

Into a heart-shaped box enclosed by ribs.

I’m going to give someone

That makes me feel like a princess of the fae

A chance.

He’s of a different sort than you

I feel it in my bones,

And even though I miss you,

I’m not going to pass up the possibility

Of an alternate future,

When there’s someone I feel for

Who adores me

And who is always there.

This is a new opportunity for me,

And I’m grasping straws these days

For things to keep me here,

So yeah, I hoped for us

And for the most part

I’ve given up on anything

But sporadic friendship.

Now, I’m afraid to not hope

That there may be something out there for me

To at least want my body

With all that goes with it:

The heart,

The mind,

The soul,

The woman inside…

To want all of it, enough to give

The terminology of “us”

A try.

The Yo-Yo Game

We’ve played the game of yo-yo,

You wrapped a string around my heart so long ago.

Ups and downs,

Highs and lows,

Lead me along

Like walking the dog.

But I’m not a dog to you am I?

You never really got to see the bitch inside,

It was often muted.

I was and am to you,

A goodie-good.

You really no longer know who I am, do you?

The string has slowly sliced my organs,

But the bleeding is okay,

I’ve learned to withstand the pain.

I’m strong.

I’m proud.

No longer bringing me to the ground with agony,

Because like an actress

Or a woman in a painting,

I can conceal quite well now

The tears and wanting inside.

I know how to go on without waiting now.

You withheld your flirtations you had with other girls

Got with some as well,

I’m not going to keep anything from you on it,

If you ask if other guys have come along that I’ve flirted with,

I will answer with a simple yes,

I’m not the kind of person that will keep it from you

And just remain silent.

We were always friends first,

So where’s the friend that I could trust

And would put my life in the hands of?

I’m good, oh yes I am

But there’s plenty that you wouldn’t believe

Keep me in the distance of the string

Wrapped around your finger.

Oh well, shame

You’ve missed another chance.

I’m going on, if you talk,

That’s fine, I’ll respond,

But if you want more,

You’re going to need to take action,

More than just words that look beautiful

Or sound like sinfully happy music to my ears.

You want a relationship, for real

Don’t come to me with words

And more excuses

Like the ones where you’d say you wanted me

Wanted us to take the next step,

And then respond with a “but here’s what’s stopping me.”

Nothing should be stopping you.

If you really do love

If you really do care

Show me.

Learn who I am now

And take action.

My life waits for no man.

Seven Little Words

Seven little words

I dream of

Just seven little words

I hope for

Can you stay a little while

Just stay and talk

We don’t have to expect anything

But be the two of us.

Seven little words

They bind us

Just seven little words

You have me

Can you take the stand

I’ll gladly take your hand

We don’t have to be anything

But the two of us.

Seven little words

I see you

Just seven little words

I believe in

Stay by my side

I’ll show you what’s inside

We don’t have to rush

But just be the two of us.

Seven little words

So kiss me

Just seven little words

I’ll show you

You are what I need

And it’s time we had our chance

The door opened again

When you said, you loved me still.

Seven little words

Just seven little words

Yeah, I never stopped loving you, too.

The Other Fish Within The Sea

Please don’t call me sweetheart,

I might vomit from the fear.

Please don’t fall so easily,

I may break your heart before you have the chance.

Please don’t call me yours,

My heart is someone else’s.

Please don’t speak of settling,

It’s hard for me to see a future without him.

I cannot stay, so I move on.

Part of me still listens though,

For when my love comes to my door.

I can give you friendship,

I can bring you ease…

You are stress relief,

The other fish within the sea.

I want to step away

Give you the simple yes you seek,

But I cannot, because while I can mix and mingle

My heart still waits to hear its heartsong sing.

I hate to admit, but I’ve that hope inside,

That kind whose seed buries deep.

Yes, I like you

That goes without saying.

Do I foresee a future?

Don’t hate me for not believing.

I have one in mind

That I thought was broken long ago

But once again,

Lightning struck and the dreams came creeping back.

I want to say yes,

Trust me, I do.

However, I don’t know what kind of answer to give

When I could have all I ever wanted

With the one that compliments, completes

If I just hang on a little longer.

Could you wait? That’s cruel of me to ask.

You’re kind and sweet

But I don’t know, if even though you think me cute

If you could ever handle the real me

That is beneath.

Want to be Selfish

Each step I take,

Is another towards my saving grace.

You say you want to hold my hand,

My heart wants our second chance.

So do I stay and breathe in the love,

Or do I keep moving on?

Chorus:

You say that you do love me.

Always going to have a place in your heart.

You speak the words before I can,

But how do I break the old habit

When my heart wants to be selfish?

Damn…I want to be selfish.

I don’t know this bend in my path.

I know our love to be true,

But it’s so hard to break down the walls

I built because of you.

So do I let them fall to give it another try,

Or do I keep moving on?

Chorus

The futures full of questions

And yet when I’m with you again

Everything slips away and I stop caring.

My heart starts beating better because it’s on

And my mind starts shutting off.

So do I keep moving on?

Chorus

Can I be selfish this once?

Heartache

I don’t want to be another heartache

You tell all the girls about—

The one’s you wanna get with

And let down.

I don’t wanna be that woman,

Another story,

Becoming your history,

Instead of you and me.

Chorus:

I wanna be the one you miss,

That you miss so bad.

I wanna be the one, you can’t live without,

And you wake up in fear that I’m gone.

But that’s just wishful thinking—

Thinking I was your number one.

You always said that I was different,

Finally wanted a chance

But then I turned around,

And got knocked flat on the ground.

With you all it ever took

Was a single word, just one look.

You tell every girl, you’re an open book

After all, you’ve always had me hooked.

Chorus

You walked away—

All I got was a text.

While the story you tell,

Is the heartache that I feel.

I breathe in and out,

Feel my heart clench—

Wait for it to dwindle,

You’re just another page of my past.

Chorus

Oh yeah, that’s just wishful thinking—

Thinking I was your number one.

Have You

Do you remember me?

I sure remember you.

I remember those eyes,

I remember that face,

I remember those hands

That held onto me so tight.

My heart and soul aches

As I remember how we once loved,

Will you come back into my life,

Carry me from the ashes like

A tainted savior raising me from the grave

In which I buried my heart.

Chorus:

In the dark we hide, our denial

That we ever loved at all

Inside I’m crying

Because I know I’ll never have you

Like I did once before.

But maybe we can have another chance,

I pray that chances are something

That can be granted more than once.

Is there still a piece of me inside of you

That you still hold onto just like your arms

Once held me close to your chest?

Come back into my life and stay there

Be the soul mate I once believed you were.

I’ll bite the forbidden fruit

If that will mean that I can have you

No need for seduction

All we need is the truth.

Chorus

Unfortunately for me,

I don’t believe that you will give me what I need

The redemption, the peace

Because you were always stuck in your ways

A crazy mustang that no woman could tame for long,

But I’m on my bended knees hoping.

I’m hoping that you’ve changed

But that the person I once adored

Is still there inside, too.

Can you reach out to me?

Let your heart remember the love we shared,

You’re existence keeps this hope alive.

Chorus

Like I did once before.

Shooting Star

Making love after midnight;

You’re a memory a don’t want to hide.

I remember how you touched me,

And every single kiss.

Chorus:

Shooting star,

Brother of Mars.

We wish for love,

Lose sight of who we are.

Now I wait in every fantasy,

I live in every dream.

Flashbacks remind me,

Of how we used to be.

Chorus

Bad endings mean a new chance,

But I never thought of us as over.

I just think that maybe it wasn’t our time yet,

Our fate is in fortune’s corner.

Chorus

Shooting star,

I’m a lover wishing on a repeating dream,

Comets pass as time ticks fast

We will have our chance.