Wishing Time

There's a shooting star

In the night sky

I'm holding my breath

Is it wishing time?

Where do you go when your heart's been broken?

What is there to say when you've lost it all?

You opened up, the places you swore would stay hidden,

Became exposed and now it's all been poisoned.

Chorus:

I don't know what to do

Other than wishing on myself

Trust in myself and no one else.

Every lover lets you down,

No one will ever love me like I do,

Like I do.

I've been going at this

For way too long

Dreaming on dreams

That will never come true.

Where do you go when loving is your place in this world?

What is there to say when you've given it your all?

You tried to be strong, you've been pushed too hard, too long

Became a fighter and now all you see is the reflection of you, on your own.

Chorus

I don't know what to do

Other than wishing on myself

Trust in myself and no one else.

Every lover lets you down,

I deserve more than this, so much more

I need it.

Chorus

Every lover lets you down,

I deserve more than this, so much more,

That I do.

Slip Away

That’s it.

I’m done.

Us?

You’re gone.

I don’t believe the three words:

I love you.

Let’s not.

Gave you chances,

Let my feelings show,

Yeah, I was wrong

Once more.

Like the devil

You pulled me

Time

And again.

Seasons change

Just like them,

You come and go.

Give me words

And kindness…

I don’t know the truth

Of if you’re here or there.

You don’t know how to stay.

Stay? Is that a reality?

Nay.

I’ll believe it when you act.

Come in and remain,

Or else…I’ll slip away.

Train's Comin' In

Bridge:

Train’s comin’ in,

It’s my time, to get on it.

Got my past, in my bag

My dreams in my chest pocket.

Take me away, take me home

Take me to, where I belong.

Sun’s coming up and I’m taking chances

It’s my turn for no backward glances.

Chorus:

Hear that whistle, hear that moan

Got my heart, got my soul.

Faith and freedom keep me strong,

Love is what’s right and wrong.

Take me away, take me home

Take me to, where I belong.

Sinners and saints, they’ve got their places

I’m gonna bet all my aces.

Chorus

Take me away, take me home

Take me to, where I belong.

Heaven and Hell’s had a word with me,

My sanctuary is my humanity.

Chorus

Take me away, take me home

Take me to, where I belong.

Got my ticket in my hand,

It’s my life, my right to stand.

Bridge

How Did I Disappoint You This Time?

***Wrote this in Dec/Jan of 2011/2012***

So how did I disappoint you this time?

You still don’t approve of my writing,

You don’t understand the words I write on the page.

I write about love and you think that I’ve gone and done something wrong.

I write a song, and you don’t like the story line broken up with the chorus—

I write a poem about the death of my cousin,

And you say that it’s ripped raw and real, but you worry that I will try to kill myself

Because of the line about suicide and Russian roulette;

How could you think that? I know that I’ve almost died,

I’ve almost tried to commit the suicide, but heaven was there

I have angels among friends, and I’M STILL HERE!

Don’t you trust me?

How did I disappoint you this time?

You still want me to be a teacher,

Even though you don’t seem to get that teachers are not the same

As they once were.  If they do what a teacher should,

You know, be the stand-in parent for when a student is in school,

Care about the children and guide them—

If they do this, they get their authority overrun,

They get turned out and shot by the administrative gun.

Instead, teachers who want to keep their jobs,

Have to harden their hearts and pile on the work,

Not teaching a damn thing.

I don’t want that, can’t you see?

You know I wear my heart on my arm so much that tears bleed from worn out eyes

And when I try to harden my heart, even just to deal with you,

It hurts and I want to puke—

If I was a teacher, I would be thin and an ulcer would kill me;

Don’t you want me to have a good career that I can enjoy and that won’t kill me with ulcers?

Can’t you see that I am caring still, even with the shit that I’ve been put through?

How did I disappoint you this time?

I know you miss that little girl, the ten year old from ten years ago—

You want me to go back in time and freeze me there,

But I can’t go back.

I know I’ve changed, but that comes with age;

Year after year, almost three out of nine, you were gone and I was left looking for answers.

I can’t blame you, our country needed you, another soldier driving in the line of fire;

But how can you continue to blame me,

Your youngest daughter, for not trusting men and keeping you at arms length—

How can I believe that any man that comes into my life won’t jut leave me and I’ll be alone?

Daddy issues as the therapist would say, yeah, I know,

I’ve got daddy issues but I deal with it on my own.

Don’t you think that inside I’m young at heart?

How could I love so much in this world if I wasn’t?

How did I disappoint you this time?

I still love you, can’t you love me?

You tell me you’re proud of me,

Then why do I fear what you would think

If you knew the real girl in this skin—

One tattoo, two tattoo

Overweight but healthy

Short and strong-willed

Crooked tooth, unaligned jaw

Writer, creator

Caring, lover

Still your little girl forever, just older and wiser.

I don’t fit in the box that you want me to be in,

Chains don’t work on me, instead I pull on them.

Accept me for who I am, that’s all I really want—

No more fighting, no more anxiety

Just because we’re not the same,

Except for the walls we carry around us.

Missing the Shooting Gun

**Wrote this a few years back...won third place at my college's library's poetry contest Spring of 2012**

Across the seas, in the hot sands of war

He leaves us to wait;

Time shuffles its feet.

We are left alone to fight off the heat of

Becoming part of individuality.

We step away from the crowd that’s unable to see;

The pain, the longing, the need to have—

We split the chores, as he sees innocents

Bleed, but he must continue to drive.

We learn who cares, who lies, who cheats.

Running to the steel box on the road side, always afraid

Of what we shall find: is there a letter, or are you empty?

A year goes by, and the city is able to sleep;

It is safe from our enemies.

We hear the train down the road,

No one weeps as we have learned:

Take charge, be strong, harden hearts. A new year

Will soon come, autumn’s leaves will

Create a bed with the trampled sweets on the ground.

Powder builds heaven’s heaps,

And our family is no longer the same,

But is once more complete.

Just Want You Back

I took the pictures you drew me off the wall,

Threw the bracelet you gave me in a box in my armoire,

I don’t want to see the things I have of you,

Just want you back, yeah, just want you back.

Chorus:

Everyone’s telling me it gets better as time passes

But I’m not sure whether to believe them;

I feel like there’s a hole swallowing what little’s left of me,

Can you just pick up the pieces and love me again?

How can I miss you when you were so mean?

I had to tear down anything that made me think of you

The memories that we both made.

Just want you back, yeah, just want you back.

Chorus

Inside there's only heartache and pain
A big empty space where I’m like damn, this hurts

It hurts and I can’t fill it no matter how hard I try.

Just want you back, yeah, just want you back.

Chorus

You’re driving me crazy because I’m not over you,

You hurt me, you tore me apart

Like a paper doll that you created, you shredded my heart.

Just want you back, yeah, just want you back.

Chorus

I just want you back, even if you destroyed me.

I just want you back, even though it’ll set me up for more heartache.

I just want you back, because you still own my heart.

Just want you back, yeah, just want you back.

Chorus

Pick up the pieces and love me again.

Shooting Star

Making love after midnight;

You’re a memory a don’t want to hide.

I remember how you touched me,

And every single kiss.

Chorus:

Shooting star,

Brother of Mars.

We wish for love,

Lose sight of who we are.

Now I wait in every fantasy,

I live in every dream.

Flashbacks remind me,

Of how we used to be.

Chorus

Bad endings mean a new chance,

But I never thought of us as over.

I just think that maybe it wasn’t our time yet,

Our fate is in fortune’s corner.

Chorus

Shooting star,

I’m a lover wishing on a repeating dream,

Comets pass as time ticks fast

We will have our chance.

Winning and Losing Game

Ally once knew boy

Who was her first love,

He taught her how to kiss

And to keep on wishing—

He knew she deserved better than him,

So he let her go.

Chorus:

Now she’s got two weeks until she’s twenty,

And she’s already loved,

She’s already lost…

She knows that loving is a winning and losing game,

But she’s done letting time tell her,

Her heart’s score.

Ally went on to college,

Finally had her heartstring by the hand,

She gave him everything she could in friendship

But she wanted more of the man,

Unfortunately he couldn’t meet her demands

And left her feeling low.

Chorus

Ally’s taking chances,

Not letting men decide her fate.

She’s flipping coins and letting the coins fall

Not paying attention to what others say.

If fate’s going to intervene she thinks,

Then the right man will come her way.

Chorus

And she’s already loved,

She’s already lost…

She knows that loving is a winning and losing game,

But she’s done letting time tell her,

Her heart’s score;

And Ally’s not going to let it be sore no more.

She knows that loving is a winning and losing game,

And her heart’s not going to be sore no more.

Forget About Him

He isn’t talking to her anymore,

One day he was making love to her

And saying he wanted to start a new life

Paved the way for a relationship

And then he just disappeared off the radar,

And all she can do is keep crying,

For the man that she thought he was.

Chorus:

It’s time to forget about him,

He ain’t worth your time

He ain’t worth your heart.

You need to move on.

So keep trucking on,

There’s a man out there

That deserves your love.

He called her baby,

But he was a walk away boy

Instead of a strong man that could hold her tight,

Told her that she calmed him down

Like a gentle hand stopping the storm

And that she made him feel normal,

But now she’s just another girl on the side of the road.

Chorus

Chorus

Forget about him;

He ain’t worth your time,

He ain’t worth your heart.

He ain’t worth your care,

He ain’t worth your love.

You need to move on.

So keep trucking on.

One Last Time

I walked across the park

Just to reach your house—

It was pouring rain and lightening out,

I was dripping wet

As I walked slowly to your door.

My clothes were like a second skin

As I passed over that last step.

Chorus:

Lord, won’t you help me out

I’m scared of what he might say

He walked out of my life

And I’m fighting to get him back.

Once again, one last time

Heaven above, won’t you help me out.

I knocked three times

My fist frozen stiff,

Hitting the wood and the glass,

Hoping all my fear would pass—

I can do this I prayed

Just going to try, to stand my ground.

Baby, if you answer that door

Please don’t turn me out.

Chorus

I could hardly see past my eyelashes

As I waited hopping from on foot to the other

Balancing on all my last nerves

And holding my breath—

This is my last chance—

My heart’s slowing down;

An there you are…

One last time…

Once again…