I Want You to Know

I want you to know

I have no regrets

No regrets for ever loving you

I gave you my heart

And you held my soul

You were my true, true one

And a piece of me

Will never let you go

But I've finally realized

That while you will always be a part of me

Of my life...

It's time to never look back

At least not for me

I'll support you, hell, I'll raise a glass

For anything that will make you smile

You aren't mine though

You were never going to let that happen

And I'm happier without having you in my veins anymore

We're part of a messed up extended family

Hearts to hearts

And yet, I'm good

And damn I feel good not dwelling on my love for you

The pain and the sadness

The hurt and disappointment

I've shed it like skin

And risen

Whatever happens, come what may

I'm excited, because I can't see it

And I wouldn't be here

Wouldn't be who I am today

If I had never loved you

The way we loved.

Want to Try

I fall into pieces

And I keep hoping

That you'll look my way.

I stumble, this isn't what I'm used to--

I loved for so long, hid away.

I crash and I bury

I cry but I can't let it be seen.

It's time for me to open now that it's all closed, behind me.

Rearrange, these atoms that form my skin

At night when I close my eyes,

It's all darkness with blasts of light.

I want to try you out,

See if we're a fit and I just want to try,

This isn't me but I like you too much to not try.

I've been on this wheel called life for too long

Been carrying my burdens, sharing them with no one.

I want to be loved, not just the lover--

I want to see the world, see it in your eyes

I've fallen in pieces, but for the future I'm willing--

I'm willing to bring all the skies, and wrap them around me tight.

Fresh Twenty

**Wrote back in either November or December, just found it in my notebooks**

I have to stop myself

From scrolling though my contacts—

            Want to text,

            Want to call—

A stop sign appears in my head

And my fingers slam on the breaks.

I won’t be,

I can’t be,

The girl you left behind

            Fresh Twenty.

I don’t recognize that girl

When I look in pictures

            Compare them to the woman in the mirror,

There was less darkness and pain

            In oh so many ways!

I can see the hauntings in the dark brown recesses in the over-worn white now.

Windows to the soul the philosophers say,

Yes, if only you have a key, and even then

            I will hide a piece from you.

The Other Fish Within The Sea

Please don’t call me sweetheart,

I might vomit from the fear.

Please don’t fall so easily,

I may break your heart before you have the chance.

Please don’t call me yours,

My heart is someone else’s.

Please don’t speak of settling,

It’s hard for me to see a future without him.

I cannot stay, so I move on.

Part of me still listens though,

For when my love comes to my door.

I can give you friendship,

I can bring you ease…

You are stress relief,

The other fish within the sea.

I want to step away

Give you the simple yes you seek,

But I cannot, because while I can mix and mingle

My heart still waits to hear its heartsong sing.

I hate to admit, but I’ve that hope inside,

That kind whose seed buries deep.

Yes, I like you

That goes without saying.

Do I foresee a future?

Don’t hate me for not believing.

I have one in mind

That I thought was broken long ago

But once again,

Lightning struck and the dreams came creeping back.

I want to say yes,

Trust me, I do.

However, I don’t know what kind of answer to give

When I could have all I ever wanted

With the one that compliments, completes

If I just hang on a little longer.

Could you wait? That’s cruel of me to ask.

You’re kind and sweet

But I don’t know, if even though you think me cute

If you could ever handle the real me

That is beneath.

Breathe In

Breathe in,

Breathe out.

Let in,

I drown.

I want that love.

I survive without it.

The kiss at night

Within the silence.

Brush your hand

Against this soul

Do you feel

The cracks so old?

Remove the words

The unsaid and spoken.

Listen to the heartbeat

Please, take action.

Thump.

Flutter.

Still.

Together.

Want to be Selfish

Each step I take,

Is another towards my saving grace.

You say you want to hold my hand,

My heart wants our second chance.

So do I stay and breathe in the love,

Or do I keep moving on?

Chorus:

You say that you do love me.

Always going to have a place in your heart.

You speak the words before I can,

But how do I break the old habit

When my heart wants to be selfish?

Damn…I want to be selfish.

I don’t know this bend in my path.

I know our love to be true,

But it’s so hard to break down the walls

I built because of you.

So do I let them fall to give it another try,

Or do I keep moving on?

Chorus

The futures full of questions

And yet when I’m with you again

Everything slips away and I stop caring.

My heart starts beating better because it’s on

And my mind starts shutting off.

So do I keep moving on?

Chorus

Can I be selfish this once?

Why I Let It All Go

Three shots of tequila, I’m growin’ weak

Memory comes in, like the tide of a sea.

Come on baby, don’t you know

Don’t you know what it is that you’re doin’ to me?

The heartache of a kiss is like a dagger to me.

Another drink in, my tongue loosens

The warmth of the liquor spreads through my skin.

Come on baby, do you even remember

Do you even remember when I let it all go?

You’re why I let it all go.

Chorus:

When you find the one you want to be with

When you find the one that you need

It’s easy for the rest of the world to slip away.

You’re why I let it all go.

And the heartache of a kiss is like a dagger to me.

I’m getting pretty tipsy, fuzzy thoughts consuming

This isn’t me, I just want to drink you down the drain.

Come on baby, don’t you know

Don’t you know what it is that you’re doin’ to me?

The heartache of a kiss is like a dagger to me.

Pay the bartender, he looks me up and down

A wave and a glance, I walk on out.

Come on baby, do you even remember

Do you even remember when I let it all go?

You’re why I let it all go.

Chorus

The memory of your kiss is what’s making my heart bleed.

I Want to Find Love

People think I’m crazy,

Because I’m holding out for a real relationship,

But I want to find love,

I want to find love;

And there’s no way in hell,

I’m going to give up now.

I’m not like other girls,

Who think that having some flings is living better,

I just want to find love,

I want to find love;

I’m not living for lust,

I’ll leave all those men out in the dust.

Chorus:

Find me love, find me love

Leave everyone in the dust

Lust isn’t for me

I need to be loved.

Some people think that

There’s so many fish in the sea

I just want to find love,

I want to find love

So I am going to see,

The one that’s perfect for me.

I’m not giving up just yet,

I’m going to keep going until I find him.

I just want to find love,

I want to find love

My perfect match is out there,

I know it and I’m not going to find him waiting here.

Chorus

Chorus

Just Want You Back

I took the pictures you drew me off the wall,

Threw the bracelet you gave me in a box in my armoire,

I don’t want to see the things I have of you,

Just want you back, yeah, just want you back.

Chorus:

Everyone’s telling me it gets better as time passes

But I’m not sure whether to believe them;

I feel like there’s a hole swallowing what little’s left of me,

Can you just pick up the pieces and love me again?

How can I miss you when you were so mean?

I had to tear down anything that made me think of you

The memories that we both made.

Just want you back, yeah, just want you back.

Chorus

Inside there's only heartache and pain
A big empty space where I’m like damn, this hurts

It hurts and I can’t fill it no matter how hard I try.

Just want you back, yeah, just want you back.

Chorus

You’re driving me crazy because I’m not over you,

You hurt me, you tore me apart

Like a paper doll that you created, you shredded my heart.

Just want you back, yeah, just want you back.

Chorus

I just want you back, even if you destroyed me.

I just want you back, even though it’ll set me up for more heartache.

I just want you back, because you still own my heart.

Just want you back, yeah, just want you back.

Chorus

Pick up the pieces and love me again.

Never Alone

Little girl are you feeling blue?

Feel upset, like you can’t make it through?

As if you can’t see the rainbow that stretches

Across a clear sky after the rain comes down?

Chorus:

I want you to know,

You’re not alone,

You’re never alone my friend,

I’ll be here for you,

Whether you want me to;

You’re never alone.

Teenage invisible freak,

Are you feeling like you’ll never be seen?

As if all there is to life is prom queens

And maybe you should be a wannabe?

Chorus

Welcome to the real world,

You’re out on your own and you feel so cold

As if you won’t be able to face reality

As it bares down like a heavy weight?

Chorus

No, you’re never alone.