What It's Like

Heavens how I hate it.

Becoming incapacitated of breath,

A sort of fear shutting down all my reflexes.

I try like hell to suck in air through lips that wish to close,

And exhale--but pain, mental becomes physical,

And it pushes my chest.

If I don't turn my hands into fists,

My shaking shows--I feel powerless.

I am a strong woman.

I am a fighter, chin often held high.

I know humility; I am often shocked, surprised--

When people state the force of nature that I am.

When it hits, no matter how I cope,

No matter how hard I hold on--

I don't feel like the phoenix I know myself to be.

I feel weak.

            Don't, don't tell me to calm down.

Don't say I need to get over it.

            That this is a fear that is useless.

            I'm being stupid.

If I could, I would!

Don't you think that I would erase it?

Look at the character at my core--

            Do you really think I enjoy this?

This is not a crutch.

This is a battle I encounter. Often.

A battle I often cannot see coming quickly around life's bends.

Heavens help me, I want to stop the tears that spill.

And to breathe as if I'm flying--

Instead of a bird's cage doors slamming,

When all she wants is to sing.

When all she wants is to be free.

Why I Let It All Go

Three shots of tequila, I’m growin’ weak

Memory comes in, like the tide of a sea.

Come on baby, don’t you know

Don’t you know what it is that you’re doin’ to me?

The heartache of a kiss is like a dagger to me.

Another drink in, my tongue loosens

The warmth of the liquor spreads through my skin.

Come on baby, do you even remember

Do you even remember when I let it all go?

You’re why I let it all go.

Chorus:

When you find the one you want to be with

When you find the one that you need

It’s easy for the rest of the world to slip away.

You’re why I let it all go.

And the heartache of a kiss is like a dagger to me.

I’m getting pretty tipsy, fuzzy thoughts consuming

This isn’t me, I just want to drink you down the drain.

Come on baby, don’t you know

Don’t you know what it is that you’re doin’ to me?

The heartache of a kiss is like a dagger to me.

Pay the bartender, he looks me up and down

A wave and a glance, I walk on out.

Come on baby, do you even remember

Do you even remember when I let it all go?

You’re why I let it all go.

Chorus

The memory of your kiss is what’s making my heart bleed.