What It's Like

Heavens how I hate it.

Becoming incapacitated of breath,

A sort of fear shutting down all my reflexes.

I try like hell to suck in air through lips that wish to close,

And exhale--but pain, mental becomes physical,

And it pushes my chest.

If I don't turn my hands into fists,

My shaking shows--I feel powerless.

I am a strong woman.

I am a fighter, chin often held high.

I know humility; I am often shocked, surprised--

When people state the force of nature that I am.

When it hits, no matter how I cope,

No matter how hard I hold on--

I don't feel like the phoenix I know myself to be.

I feel weak.

            Don't, don't tell me to calm down.

Don't say I need to get over it.

            That this is a fear that is useless.

            I'm being stupid.

If I could, I would!

Don't you think that I would erase it?

Look at the character at my core--

            Do you really think I enjoy this?

This is not a crutch.

This is a battle I encounter. Often.

A battle I often cannot see coming quickly around life's bends.

Heavens help me, I want to stop the tears that spill.

And to breathe as if I'm flying--

Instead of a bird's cage doors slamming,

When all she wants is to sing.

When all she wants is to be free.

Perhaps

No worries, philosophy free of drama.

We aim, we strive, we hope and crave,

We revolve and rotate. Aching.

We need to spend time together,

It’s a given no one else truly sees.

We want and you promise—

Promises being the only thing that guarantees I’ll wait.

A lion, strong and tall you stand

Dark mane to your shoulders,

Eyes. Eyes that upon the occasion have looked at me

And seen through. With you, I am not bulletproof.

I’m not the cocky madam who’s witty and sly,

Knocking men down like surprised flies

Who allow me a comfort palace,

They smile and want to please—

No, with you, I am most quiet.

I am demure yet open.

With others, almost nothing but one act

Can shut my mind silent.

Everything else is loud and in my head, broken.

They see the fun, they see the wild,

They entertain the girl with her hair let down.

You nourish the heart.

You twine like two knotted pinkies around my soul.

I always come back,

Invisible ties calling me home.

For you I would run

For you I would give up

I’d change the drama,

Embrace with open arms, opportunity—

The kind both of us have always dreamed.

Two peas whose love story

Has been hard, always.

Whose feelings, hidden,

Come easy.

Lost souls where one is often giving birth to faith

In the other. Now we are both teetering,

Perhaps it’s time? Take hands—

Hold tight, grab on to happiness with fight,

We’ll take flight.

We need to be in this together,

Not fall back on being lone rangers.

No worries, problems will be taken on,

Saddle the burdens as one,

White light surround us.

What do you say? Carry on, make this present turn to future—

And be ours?

Just Like Love

There’s a heart slowly beating

In this chest of mine.

It’s waiting for you to come

Tell me the truth,

Tell me how you really feel.

Chorus:

Do you know the drumming of war?

It’s fast, scary, and absolutely terrifying.

Then again, you get moments,

You can feel like you’re flying—

It’s an adrenaline rush.

Just like love.

I can still remember,

When our eyes first met.

Something stirred inside me

I swear it was kismet;

Pretty sure my soul was ready to speak.

Chorus

Isn’t it funny how

All of these little things

They stick in your head and won’t get out.

The trueness of the situation

Is that, I don’t wanna live without you.

Chorus

So I keep, I keep holding on.

I try to run free,

But you, you’ve got me good and strong.

I’d give up everything

If it meant, one last night

In your arms, by your side.