What It's Like

Heavens how I hate it.

Becoming incapacitated of breath,

A sort of fear shutting down all my reflexes.

I try like hell to suck in air through lips that wish to close,

And exhale--but pain, mental becomes physical,

And it pushes my chest.

If I don't turn my hands into fists,

My shaking shows--I feel powerless.

I am a strong woman.

I am a fighter, chin often held high.

I know humility; I am often shocked, surprised--

When people state the force of nature that I am.

When it hits, no matter how I cope,

No matter how hard I hold on--

I don't feel like the phoenix I know myself to be.

I feel weak.

            Don't, don't tell me to calm down.

Don't say I need to get over it.

            That this is a fear that is useless.

            I'm being stupid.

If I could, I would!

Don't you think that I would erase it?

Look at the character at my core--

            Do you really think I enjoy this?

This is not a crutch.

This is a battle I encounter. Often.

A battle I often cannot see coming quickly around life's bends.

Heavens help me, I want to stop the tears that spill.

And to breathe as if I'm flying--

Instead of a bird's cage doors slamming,

When all she wants is to sing.

When all she wants is to be free.

I Wish I Could Say

There's so much that goes unsaid. Years and minutes, truths untold.
Said with the eyes, and thumbs that graze buttons but never type.
Hearts that ache, lips that sigh. Secrets held tight within the soul.
Hands clenched tight, bated breaths which linger.
My tongue halts behind the gates of closed teeth,
Wishing for the wants and truths to be seen.
Instead, I move forward, feelings behind closed screens.

What it Wants

You’re not mine,

I can’t state a claim.

If someone wants you

I’ll have to sit on the sidelines.

Chorus:

Here’s the truth of the tale,

The heart wants what it wants,

Emotions and attractions

Open my eyes.

I like it when you come to me,

Your touch makes me feel alive—

You send an electric current

And I give in.

Chorus

I won’t make you choose

It’s not right to say it’s me or the other,

I just ask that there’s honesty,

Embrace what you’re given.

Chorus

Take what you want,

I’ll keep your secrets.

Lonely One

He ain’t happy,

He’s so lonely,

He can’t find no one to love,

That’s what happens when you live

A life of prestige.

Nothing can fill the space in his heart,

Not even money.

Chorus:

He is the lonely one,

All alone;

Sadness fills him,

But heaven up above,

Won’t let him be lonely long,

Won’t let depression consume him.

Won’t be lonely no more.

He stands outside the flower shop,

And watches the girl

Behind the countertop.

He watches as she arranges

Roses and carnations,

For others’ loved ones.

He wants to be her one.

Chorus

He wants to give

The pretty girl who doesn’t

Even know his name,

A pretty flower

Pretty just like her face;

And tell her that he wants

To be by her side.

Chorus

Heaven will answer

The lonely one’s prayers,

Fill up the empty space

That has haunted him

For far too long.

He’s going to get to be with her,

He’s going to get to share all his love.

Chorus