Shakespearean Mirror

It's funny how a man that swears to have loved me,

From the teenage years, until before I said I do

            To the right one for me

                        And wasn't you,

Could go hours and get rides for shades of me,

But only once for me did he--

After Helena and Hermia

            Before Ophelia,

The distraught and dark Hamlet who was more or less

A whiney, present day Mecrucio,

Have our backs until it no longer favored you.

            So in goodbye by making it clear

That I was better as a lighthouse for you

Who was only useful anymore as a silent painted portrait--

Rose red with thine petals at my feet,

            The I love you, love you not wishes which

Smolder to sharp thorns in my hands.

I'd rather the flowers I wear upon my crown.

Everything was your terms, and you grew scared when

As I realized other men in my life cared more than just words,

And would drive an hour no matter the weather

            Or pomp and circumstance,

To spend just an evening or afternoon.

No agenda. No intention to woo.

They didn't care I'd given my heart to my correct Romeo,

            Without pushing me to be their Juliet.

You act as if I am the one that did you wrong,

But after nails hammered in coffins and then

            Pried loose once more,

The assessment is more damage done to my heart,

            The one which is more whole

Due to true love's first kiss.

            The phantom of you will always be there,

A ghostly sonnet in caverns of old,

While real friends tend to flower beds by the lapping shore

Or throw pebbles of life to make the water

            Ripple with the growing wisdoms of time--

And my beloved watches over

            As the sun to warm my days

And the moon

            To illuminate

                        My darkest nights.

Your Court, This Field

You fell for another fake one, the fizz of it all soon turned to flat.

She played you as a worn out fiddle, when you've always wanted a violin.

Music plays, raps in your head, your heart on a rusted plate.

I'm here for you, your friend, tried and true.

After all this time, I think I've earned my stay--

I've always shown my real colors, everyone knows that what you see

            Is what you get, with layers of color to bloom, to beat.

I've quieted down though, the fight is not mine to hold onto on my own anymore.

If you want more than my hand in friendship, my hugs and my laugh,

You're going to have to see the truth inside, not run and hide.

The feelings are off, I learned the switch once before,

It's hard to pull--but I've done it. It's my corset to survive.

To suck up my pride, conceal it from my heart, my mind, your eyes.

Maybe if I stop. Maybe if I move forward. Push myself, and am just your friend--

You will finally learn. That you don't want the hay in the stack,

But the ruby in the diamond mine.

Out

When I was a child, I adored the countryside—

The peaceful fields the whistling in the trees,

The wide expanse of green and gold,

The stars shining stark bright in the vast dark sky.

Now?

            I hate it.

It’s the cage I’ve always feared, that makes my heart squeeze

The lungs suffocate, draining part of my living brain.

I’m done screaming and not being heard.

Even if I’m not comfortable, even if it isn’t perfect,

Even if I’m apprehensive, or even scared—

I’m going to use the truth,

            Actions

Louder than words

            Are going to speak.

My silence, my absence

Will be heard.

            And the cage

I’ll force it to disappear.

Love Pages Turn

I truly let my heart be open again

            It’s been hard and trying

            But it is.

I took chances.

Some I had to bend the truth for

So that no one could hold me back

            Or tell me no.

My choices, my nine lives.

I chose to be a true butterfly—

With wings that shimmered around,

            Invisible to all except those that saw the real me.

I tried being with others

And let my open heart move on

But I saw the growth.

            I saw the love.

Still there.

            Stronger.

And I’ve held on.

            No matter

How much

           

            I wish I didn’t.

Confidence

One summer, I was told

By an admirer, a friend

A lusting desire—

That I was the most confident

Woman, that he’d ever met—

He’d ever known.

I had raised my brow,

Skeptical and surprised,

Each time. Because I didn’t see it,

I couldn’t bring myself to believe

What he said. He couldn’t see past

My mask. I wasn’t as I seemed

Though I was more than I had been.

My confidence was just a glamour

Hiding my insecurities and fears

My thoughts and darker feelings

Mixed with my pride, my back straight,

Chin held high.

Sometimes, to be real I came to realize

Was to fake it until you seemed it

While blending with the truth.

Slip Away

That’s it.

I’m done.

Us?

You’re gone.

I don’t believe the three words:

I love you.

Let’s not.

Gave you chances,

Let my feelings show,

Yeah, I was wrong

Once more.

Like the devil

You pulled me

Time

And again.

Seasons change

Just like them,

You come and go.

Give me words

And kindness…

I don’t know the truth

Of if you’re here or there.

You don’t know how to stay.

Stay? Is that a reality?

Nay.

I’ll believe it when you act.

Come in and remain,

Or else…I’ll slip away.

Sometimes

Sometimes I feel

As if everything, inside of me, is breaking.

How can I hold on,

Without a hand to cling to,

The one who was my shelter

Is still so far gone.

Sometimes I think back

To who I was back then and now,

How can I go back

Without the love to greet me,

When all lights go out

And I’m still alone.

Sometimes I want to

Reverse time and revert back

Have all the memories rewind and

Let me return to

When I was cared for and

I believed you’d never leave.

Sometimes I wonder

Will the old me resurface

But then I know the truth

It won’t happen because of you.

So I guess I’ll go on

And just dream of you.

What it Wants

You’re not mine,

I can’t state a claim.

If someone wants you

I’ll have to sit on the sidelines.

Chorus:

Here’s the truth of the tale,

The heart wants what it wants,

Emotions and attractions

Open my eyes.

I like it when you come to me,

Your touch makes me feel alive—

You send an electric current

And I give in.

Chorus

I won’t make you choose

It’s not right to say it’s me or the other,

I just ask that there’s honesty,

Embrace what you’re given.

Chorus

Take what you want,

I’ll keep your secrets.