Want to Try

I fall into pieces

And I keep hoping

That you'll look my way.

I stumble, this isn't what I'm used to--

I loved for so long, hid away.

I crash and I bury

I cry but I can't let it be seen.

It's time for me to open now that it's all closed, behind me.

Rearrange, these atoms that form my skin

At night when I close my eyes,

It's all darkness with blasts of light.

I want to try you out,

See if we're a fit and I just want to try,

This isn't me but I like you too much to not try.

I've been on this wheel called life for too long

Been carrying my burdens, sharing them with no one.

I want to be loved, not just the lover--

I want to see the world, see it in your eyes

I've fallen in pieces, but for the future I'm willing--

I'm willing to bring all the skies, and wrap them around me tight.

Love Pages Turn

I truly let my heart be open again

            It’s been hard and trying

            But it is.

I took chances.

Some I had to bend the truth for

So that no one could hold me back

            Or tell me no.

My choices, my nine lives.

I chose to be a true butterfly—

With wings that shimmered around,

            Invisible to all except those that saw the real me.

I tried being with others

And let my open heart move on

But I saw the growth.

            I saw the love.

Still there.

            Stronger.

And I’ve held on.

            No matter

How much

           

            I wish I didn’t.

Possibility

I was afraid to hope

But I did it anyways.

You were the one I gave my heart to,

A piece of me is always yours

The way a piece of stardust

Will always belong to the infinite universe.

I’m still going to talk;

Still going to hold you in reverence.

My dreams were you

And now I’m going to fold them up

Like worn love letters

Into a heart-shaped box enclosed by ribs.

I’m going to give someone

That makes me feel like a princess of the fae

A chance.

He’s of a different sort than you

I feel it in my bones,

And even though I miss you,

I’m not going to pass up the possibility

Of an alternate future,

When there’s someone I feel for

Who adores me

And who is always there.

This is a new opportunity for me,

And I’m grasping straws these days

For things to keep me here,

So yeah, I hoped for us

And for the most part

I’ve given up on anything

But sporadic friendship.

Now, I’m afraid to not hope

That there may be something out there for me

To at least want my body

With all that goes with it:

The heart,

The mind,

The soul,

The woman inside…

To want all of it, enough to give

The terminology of “us”

A try.

Want to be Selfish

Each step I take,

Is another towards my saving grace.

You say you want to hold my hand,

My heart wants our second chance.

So do I stay and breathe in the love,

Or do I keep moving on?

Chorus:

You say that you do love me.

Always going to have a place in your heart.

You speak the words before I can,

But how do I break the old habit

When my heart wants to be selfish?

Damn…I want to be selfish.

I don’t know this bend in my path.

I know our love to be true,

But it’s so hard to break down the walls

I built because of you.

So do I let them fall to give it another try,

Or do I keep moving on?

Chorus

The futures full of questions

And yet when I’m with you again

Everything slips away and I stop caring.

My heart starts beating better because it’s on

And my mind starts shutting off.

So do I keep moving on?

Chorus

Can I be selfish this once?