Clouds

Am I perhaps the sun-setting skies?

The ones with puffs of clouds, pink and purple hues shading into grays?

Softness and pain all rolling ahead, surrounding our hearts

Our minds filled with fogs, knowing we wish and we need,

To get through the dark because on the other side

There is nothing but freedom and no more lines,

Because all the boundaries lay here on earth.

Not in the heavens where our souls long to twine

Our feelings the different stars reaching--reaching out to touch,

Not just physically, but the way we were

Intimate with something more

The way we have an inkling that we're supposed to be someday,

But instead all that we have are walls,

Because we fear.

Neither of us wants to lose.

Neither of us can lose,

Because we don't want there to be an ending between our two hearts,

Unless it's where one stops beating

And the other stops breathing.

Mon coeur sera toujours

Leave my dreams

The same as you've done in life,

Because it breaks my heart more every time

My eyes flutter open

Before I lock the doors I've built

In these waking hours for these walls,

To shut this...to shut you, out.

Why must my heart still love you in my subconscious?

You're a ghost,

Hidden in my soul.

Even in two languages, or any way I would think to express it

The ache is not conveyed enough,

But for the world, to you, I will never again breathe it.

This remains my morning sighs.

Laisser mes rêves

le même comme tu l'as fait dans la vie,

parce que cela me brise le coeur plus chaque fois

mes yeux flutter ouvrir

avant je verrouiller les portes j'ai construit

en ces heures que je me réveille,

d'arrêter cette...à toi arrêter.

Pourquoi mon coeur aime toujours tu dans mon subconscient?

Tu est un ghost,

caché dans mon âme.

Même dans les deux langues, ou de toute façon j'aurais penser pour exprimer-ce

la douleur n'est pas assez véhiculée,

mais pour le monde, à tu, que je ne serai jamais plus respirer.

Ce reste mon matin soupirs.

Want to be Selfish

Each step I take,

Is another towards my saving grace.

You say you want to hold my hand,

My heart wants our second chance.

So do I stay and breathe in the love,

Or do I keep moving on?

Chorus:

You say that you do love me.

Always going to have a place in your heart.

You speak the words before I can,

But how do I break the old habit

When my heart wants to be selfish?

Damn…I want to be selfish.

I don’t know this bend in my path.

I know our love to be true,

But it’s so hard to break down the walls

I built because of you.

So do I let them fall to give it another try,

Or do I keep moving on?

Chorus

The futures full of questions

And yet when I’m with you again

Everything slips away and I stop caring.

My heart starts beating better because it’s on

And my mind starts shutting off.

So do I keep moving on?

Chorus

Can I be selfish this once?

Lightning

A memory slips in.

My heart skips a beat.

I don’t know what to feel,

What to think.

My body shudders.

The earth turns on its axis.

Another year comes

And is gone.

Look to the night sky

As lightning strikes—

Remembering your soft lips

As we stood on the porch steps.

For months, after you left

I built walls, like yours.

I numbed myself when it came to men;

No one could get in.

Then one summer night,

I stood alone on a balcony,

My head tilted upward as I stared

At the stars up high.

A cool breeze brushed against my arms

As I slipped off my shoes, my feet bare,

I felt as my arms hung limply by my sides,

As the walls deteriorated

And all that was left,

Was the spirit, the essence,

The memory of my heartache—

That of me and you.

My breath was caught in my throat

As far in the distance,

Heat lightning flashed and fireworks exploded.

Imaginary arms wrapped themselves around me,

And in that moment,

Not only did I miss you,

I knew it was time to stop hiding—

Time to move on, move forward.

My heart couldn’t take it,

Someone driven by love and here on earth because of it,

Should not fear it.

Yes, you broke me.

It was like somehow the diamond in the rough,

Was ground to dust—

I was choking on it.

Tears flow freely,

Your name is a sting to my flesh.

The sight of you causes all my senses to crash.

As friends shake me, ask if I’m okay

But I’m just gone from this plane—

It’s a temporary escape.

One day, I shall face.

My prayer is to walk up to you,

I’ll smile—

For I was the angel you needed,

And nothing should be forgotten,

But from the depths of what is me,

I erase my pride.

All is forgiven.

My love for you, I’m sure will continue on,

Though the love for myself has grown.

And as I mark the end to my first twenty years,

I know now that life goes on

And there are chapters after Gursslin.

Peace for me; it does exist.

I can have happiness, and contentment once again,

No matter how fleeting,

It is there.

I hope you are well.

I send kisses on the beams of white light.

You’re welcome to enter my life again,

I’ll welcome you with open arms,

But leave the walls and veil,

At our history’s door.

I do not know what lies in store,

I just want you to know—

I’m doing alright on my own.

Look to the sky, when night falls

Think of me, the warmth of my hand

The friendship that shall always exist.

You are not alone, out there in the world,

I still care, you’ve got someone on your side.

Romantic entanglement—maybe it’s not for us,

Just follow your heart,

Let your spirit whisper—

Don’t tell it to hush like you used to.

True love happens when lightning strikes.

Can't Be Found

The sky falls down,

And I’m feeling blue.

I miss your love,

And the touch of your lips.

Chorus:

Now you’re gone,

Forever and always is no more.

My heart’s in a box,

Locked away where the key can’t be found.

Don’t trust in love,

I’ve built walls so I can’t be found.

You made me promises,

Held me at night,

Made me think it could go on like this.

I used to believe you.

Chorus

Romance,

It’s overrated and leaves one jaded.

Kisses under the stars are dreams.

No longer following, chasing the butterflies.

Chorus

Can’t be found.