What Do You Think About

What do you think about, when you think of me?

Do you think of my lips and my ass?

My soft cream skin?

My laugh and smile?

The tears that sting my eyes?

My arms as they wrap around you, pulling you in,

Caressing away as many cares as I can?

Do you think about how much you miss me

Or how you wish you could tell me anything and everything,

But you're not sure where to start?

Do you think about the memories? The sighs?

The nights where I'd fall asleep against your chest?

Do you think about adventures you'd like to take me on?

Things you'd like to show me, teach me?

Do you wonder if I'm thinking about you?

Do you think about finally giving me all of your heart,

No excuses, no others, just giving it to the one who cares the most?

The one you once said you weren't sure how to give it to,

Even though you wanted to,

Who has always been patient in loving you?

Do you ever think, that I may walk away,

Turn my back, because of too much ache?

Do you think about how I may love you more than you'll ever realize,

And that perhaps you love me more than you'll ever show?

Do you ever think about how often I'm confused from your signals?

Your words and actions, and how sometimes, they don't intermingle?

What do you think about, when you think of your heart?

What do you think about, when you think of me?

Told Me

You’ve told me you miss me.

Is it my kiss that you miss?

Warm blood pumping beneath thin skin?

The caressing and biting,

The movement of passion.

Do you fall asleep

With the memory of it?

The different pleasures that it has derived—

Fantasies brought forth to the front of your mind,

The feelings it sparked from inside?

You’ve said that you missed me,

And I know it’s more than just this,

But do me a favor—

Show me with a smile,

Show me with your own lips.

Kept it Inside

You came in and my heart stopped.

I asked the bartender to pour me another shot.

You knew I was there,

You couldn’t stop looking.

Chorus:

I wanted to scream.

I wanted to rage.

I wanted to cry.

Biting my tongue,

Holding my breath.

I kept it inside.

It was a knife to my chest the moment you kissed her.

A stranger that I didn’t know.

You keep sayin’ that you love me.

But your actions are tellin’ a different story.

Chorus

Don’t keep playing with me.

I’m gonna be pulling away.

You might have thought that I’d always stay,

But I stopped waiting on you.

Chorus

I’m gone.

I’m going.

You broke us

With a married woman.

Chorus

Biting my tongue,

Holding my breath.

Biting my tongue,

Holding my breath.

I kept it inside.

In All Ways

**Actually wrote this back in November, during a class, and just discovered my notebook **

A dream is a wish your heart makes, supposedly.

If this is true, I’d give up everything—

If I could always have, me and you.

Take my hand, don’t let go.

I’m tired of standing on my own.

I’d have all I’ve ever wanted

If I’d never have to say goodbye.

Je t’adore, te amo

In all ways, I love you

We take the beauty and the flaws

Our hearts are at the center of love’s laws.

Lightning

A memory slips in.

My heart skips a beat.

I don’t know what to feel,

What to think.

My body shudders.

The earth turns on its axis.

Another year comes

And is gone.

Look to the night sky

As lightning strikes—

Remembering your soft lips

As we stood on the porch steps.

For months, after you left

I built walls, like yours.

I numbed myself when it came to men;

No one could get in.

Then one summer night,

I stood alone on a balcony,

My head tilted upward as I stared

At the stars up high.

A cool breeze brushed against my arms

As I slipped off my shoes, my feet bare,

I felt as my arms hung limply by my sides,

As the walls deteriorated

And all that was left,

Was the spirit, the essence,

The memory of my heartache—

That of me and you.

My breath was caught in my throat

As far in the distance,

Heat lightning flashed and fireworks exploded.

Imaginary arms wrapped themselves around me,

And in that moment,

Not only did I miss you,

I knew it was time to stop hiding—

Time to move on, move forward.

My heart couldn’t take it,

Someone driven by love and here on earth because of it,

Should not fear it.

Yes, you broke me.

It was like somehow the diamond in the rough,

Was ground to dust—

I was choking on it.

Tears flow freely,

Your name is a sting to my flesh.

The sight of you causes all my senses to crash.

As friends shake me, ask if I’m okay

But I’m just gone from this plane—

It’s a temporary escape.

One day, I shall face.

My prayer is to walk up to you,

I’ll smile—

For I was the angel you needed,

And nothing should be forgotten,

But from the depths of what is me,

I erase my pride.

All is forgiven.

My love for you, I’m sure will continue on,

Though the love for myself has grown.

And as I mark the end to my first twenty years,

I know now that life goes on

And there are chapters after Gursslin.

Peace for me; it does exist.

I can have happiness, and contentment once again,

No matter how fleeting,

It is there.

I hope you are well.

I send kisses on the beams of white light.

You’re welcome to enter my life again,

I’ll welcome you with open arms,

But leave the walls and veil,

At our history’s door.

I do not know what lies in store,

I just want you to know—

I’m doing alright on my own.

Look to the sky, when night falls

Think of me, the warmth of my hand

The friendship that shall always exist.

You are not alone, out there in the world,

I still care, you’ve got someone on your side.

Romantic entanglement—maybe it’s not for us,

Just follow your heart,

Let your spirit whisper—

Don’t tell it to hush like you used to.

True love happens when lightning strikes.

Release Me

You came riding in, on a chariot.

Your own special horse-drawn-carriage.

There was a crown, upon your brow,

Made me think you were my Prince Charmin’.

Chorus:

But now, I’m asking you

To release me.

You trampled my heart

Upon the ground.

So, I’m through with you,

Want to move on

And be over you.

Release me.

The only thing true about fairy tales,

Is that there are dragons

But I can fight them,

I don’t need a man to come and save me.

Chorus

I’ve no need for you,

I’m not plain, I am extraordinary.

My mama taught me to rely on myself.

You can go be the prince for someone else.

Release me.

You trampled my heart,

And I want to be through with you.

So release me.

Won't Go Back

Last year, I probably would’ve said yes.

Take you back even if it couldn’t work.

Deal out multiple second chances.

So I could always hold onto you.

Chorus:

But now, you wouldn’t know me

I’m no longer the same

And I’m not going back to who I was,

And even though a piece of me

Still loves you like an everlasting flame,

I won’t go back, no I ain’t going back.

Press rewind and take in all the memories,

Nostalgia’s a bitch, don’t I know it.

Hear people talking about hurt and pain,

And all of them think staying and returning is going to be worth it.

Chorus

Don’t come crawling to me,

I won’t care if you bring me flowers, begging on your knees.

You may think my heart’s grown cold,

Truth is, I just did what I had to, became stronger.

Chorus

I won’t go back to me and you.

Have You

Do you remember me?

I sure remember you.

I remember those eyes,

I remember that face,

I remember those hands

That held onto me so tight.

My heart and soul aches

As I remember how we once loved,

Will you come back into my life,

Carry me from the ashes like

A tainted savior raising me from the grave

In which I buried my heart.

Chorus:

In the dark we hide, our denial

That we ever loved at all

Inside I’m crying

Because I know I’ll never have you

Like I did once before.

But maybe we can have another chance,

I pray that chances are something

That can be granted more than once.

Is there still a piece of me inside of you

That you still hold onto just like your arms

Once held me close to your chest?

Come back into my life and stay there

Be the soul mate I once believed you were.

I’ll bite the forbidden fruit

If that will mean that I can have you

No need for seduction

All we need is the truth.

Chorus

Unfortunately for me,

I don’t believe that you will give me what I need

The redemption, the peace

Because you were always stuck in your ways

A crazy mustang that no woman could tame for long,

But I’m on my bended knees hoping.

I’m hoping that you’ve changed

But that the person I once adored

Is still there inside, too.

Can you reach out to me?

Let your heart remember the love we shared,

You’re existence keeps this hope alive.

Chorus

Like I did once before.

Leaving Me

Have I ever told you

That leaving me would do more harm

Than just hurt me?

It would scare me.

Chorus:

I weep and I struggle,

I forget my power.

This is gonna make me stronger,

I know this in my head;

But I want to hold onto you,

Just a little bit longer.

You’re walking away

And I shake in a shell of anger;

You’re blaming me

With words I would’ve said.

Chorus

You scream at me

Tell me that I’m the one that made you bleed;

Make me shiver in a pool

Of forbidden and misplaced shame.

Chorus

I weep and I struggle,

I forget my power.

But I want to hold onto you,

Just a little but longer.

Friday Nights

It was homecoming weekend

You came for a visit

It was my freshmen year of college

And you kept your promise, from long ago

And kissed me for our first time…

Chorus:

And Friday nights were our special nights—

When we’d share our secrets

Open our hearts and the walls fell down

And you took me away just by being…

It was two in the morning,

My friends and I were driving the back roads

To Pennsylvania and back;

And you took me in to spend some time

And held me all through ‘til the next day…

Chorus

It was hot in the beginning of August,

You picked me up and we went to your place

You told me you loved me

And I loved you back;

And that night I gave you the rest of my innocence…

Chorus

Chorus

On Friday nights.

Come Back to Me

Someday, we will find each other again

I guess for now, it’s time to part

My heart cries, it’s hard to say goodbye

But I try to keep in mind, it’s not forever.

Chorus:

Clocks are gonna turn.

Lovers are gonna come and go.

My heart for you will continue to burn.

All I gotta do is wait,

Wait until you come back to me.

Come back to me.

I sat by the phone waiting

Thought you would call or text me.

You had told me all of your love you had,

We we’re going to be finally happy.

Chorus

And then three weeks went by,

I never heard a single word, and I cried--

Cried myself to sleep every night.

My heart battled with my mind.

Chorus

So I guess it’s time to move on,

Find another man to hold me close

Lie to myself until I believe myself,

I’ll go on lonely dating and breaking hearts.

Chorus

Come back to me.