Sui-combustio

I'm blocking, hiding

Burying feelings deep inside chests with locks and keys

But my mind screams, you must confront!

Take and unlock--

Be undone.

You need to breathe, even if it's through tears.

It's keeping you from sleep

And you, you're killing part of your soul to move forward.

Can't you confront that there is no more forward,

Just what is, allow it to grow.

I can't though I want to scream,

My subconscious rattling the bars and ribs,

I cannot, for I will drown!

Why must you haunt me?

I'm trying to live,

I'm attempting to appear free,

You know I fear a cage, even though I must conceal part of myself,

Wrapped in chains around my invisible ankles,

To keep me from running to the one that holds me--

Alas, how I wish I were held,

But when I am, I toss and turn.

I don't wish to speak

Because if I do, if I let out all that I've suffocated in my heart,

Then I open myself up, to being hurt one last time--

One last time, because once that jar of dreams is open again,

I don't see myself rising from the ashes once more.

Forever

You are forever

My favorite devil of the heart.

Telling me stories and

Creeping into my mind.

Secret

I stuck the match and issued the flame.

My favorite scent filled the air and flew to my mind,

Calming the chemicals unbalanced in a dance, a maze.

I ran the slender steel through the fire,

The metal smoking in a fine haze,

Watching the wax pool and the black leaving the gold and grey.

Hold it between my two fingers, as if poised to be thread.

Take a sigh, hold a breath, and hold it to porcelain flesh.

Physical pain that makes one clench and exhale,

But controlled, so no regrets.

It's easier than that inside, no tears fall from my eyes--

Unlike the world inside my head.

Unlike my heart.

Only You

You never stopped to think

That she could be the one.

Well, maybe you did, for a blink

Of a second. A heartbeat.

But you still kept talking to everyone

About your search, what you want.

Instead of staying awhile,

And getting to know every inch of her

Not just every inch of skin that your touches

Cause to vibrate from memories and sighs

But the soul’s mind-heart, that has grown

And altered. Instead of looking

You should be knowing. The woman

Before your eyes, that is always put to the side.

Don’t say the word love lightly.

Don’t say you wish and you want

If it will soon fall empty. Feeding lines

To a jaded heart, will eventually

Make that one numb. You keep hunting

And she’ll shut down. Chances have been given,

Only you can help the us now.

Told Me

You’ve told me you miss me.

Is it my kiss that you miss?

Warm blood pumping beneath thin skin?

The caressing and biting,

The movement of passion.

Do you fall asleep

With the memory of it?

The different pleasures that it has derived—

Fantasies brought forth to the front of your mind,

The feelings it sparked from inside?

You’ve said that you missed me,

And I know it’s more than just this,

But do me a favor—

Show me with a smile,

Show me with your own lips.

No, It's Not

Isn’t it funny how

Just one simple action

Can put enough power into a threat

That is made countless times

From child to adult,

It still keeps you down.

You want to fight it,

But just a smack of words,

Your mind reverts,

Fear sits there like the monster under the bed

Lurking and waiting—

It makes you quiet.

You shut your mouth,

Silence.

The Other Fish Within The Sea

Please don’t call me sweetheart,

I might vomit from the fear.

Please don’t fall so easily,

I may break your heart before you have the chance.

Please don’t call me yours,

My heart is someone else’s.

Please don’t speak of settling,

It’s hard for me to see a future without him.

I cannot stay, so I move on.

Part of me still listens though,

For when my love comes to my door.

I can give you friendship,

I can bring you ease…

You are stress relief,

The other fish within the sea.

I want to step away

Give you the simple yes you seek,

But I cannot, because while I can mix and mingle

My heart still waits to hear its heartsong sing.

I hate to admit, but I’ve that hope inside,

That kind whose seed buries deep.

Yes, I like you

That goes without saying.

Do I foresee a future?

Don’t hate me for not believing.

I have one in mind

That I thought was broken long ago

But once again,

Lightning struck and the dreams came creeping back.

I want to say yes,

Trust me, I do.

However, I don’t know what kind of answer to give

When I could have all I ever wanted

With the one that compliments, completes

If I just hang on a little longer.

Could you wait? That’s cruel of me to ask.

You’re kind and sweet

But I don’t know, if even though you think me cute

If you could ever handle the real me

That is beneath.

Artist

Artist.

The tortured one.

He lives in ink.

Belongs to none.

Never able to make up his mind.

Broke me,

My soul.

Made me stop believing.

The heart tries to go on,

While he haunts all memory.

Take your needle and your dye

It’s the only world

Where the true you lies.

I'd Go Back

I close my eyes,

And you’ve returned

No longer using life as a disguise.

I’ve missed you during all this time,

And letting you into my mind

Is foolish, but worth it.

Chorus:

You broke my heart

And I’ve worked hard to bury your memory.

Your love, wasn’t worth my love.

But for one moment,

I’ll dream of going back—

Just to be completely happy again.

I’m forgetting what it was like

To be held in your arms

And the smell of your skin.

Do you remember how we

Used to fit like puzzle pieces,

Out limbs locking into place, sticking like glue?

Chorus

I’ll take the hurt and the pain,

If that means I can go back in time,

Relive our reverie.

The old you was not a knight in shining armor,

But the kind of devil that could

Lure me in with just one breath.

Chorus

For one moment,

I’d go back.