Never Mine

All of these years,

I had the distinct feeling

That each lover of yours

            That filled temporary homes in your heart,

Never knew.

They never knew about me,

Our history--past,

Stolen kisses when we were no one elses'.

They didn't know about our friendship,

The close ties, the way we knew one another,

As we got older.

They knew none of that.

I am sure as well, that aside from those shared or met,

None of your other friends really knew either.

What were you scared of?

Was it a lie that you didn't care about what others thought?

The only conclusion I can claim is that perhaps

Our connection, the love, the camaraderie--

It would ruin your street cred.

Foolish man, we're no longer teenagers.

I was your secret.

You were never mine.

Secret

I stuck the match and issued the flame.

My favorite scent filled the air and flew to my mind,

Calming the chemicals unbalanced in a dance, a maze.

I ran the slender steel through the fire,

The metal smoking in a fine haze,

Watching the wax pool and the black leaving the gold and grey.

Hold it between my two fingers, as if poised to be thread.

Take a sigh, hold a breath, and hold it to porcelain flesh.

Physical pain that makes one clench and exhale,

But controlled, so no regrets.

It's easier than that inside, no tears fall from my eyes--

Unlike the world inside my head.

Unlike my heart.

The Saturday Six Seventeen

1. On Saturday last week, my best friend from my college days was out to see me.  She came Friday, and was here for two nights.  We had dinner with my family, and she helped me wash dishes afterwards, on Friday night.  When my family went to hang out in the camper for a bit, we went up to my room, hooked up her laptop, and popped in a DVD.  We watched Mama Mia up there until my ma came up, and then moved the giggles downstairs.  It was odd to hang out in my bedroom I’ve had since I was little, because it hasn’t been since at least middle school that I actually chilled up there.  Haha.
   
   
2. Saturday, was a special artist’s birthday. Made and sent him a card, and did a shot with him that night.
   
   
3. I’ve gotten some headway in the job hunting mission, let’s see where things lead me.  Cross your fingers folks!
   
   
4. I’ve been making progress on a new writing project. It’s challenging me, and I’m loving every bit of it.
   
   
5. My friend Chrissy and I checked out the store, Spirit Halloween on Tuesday, in Geneseo. It’s one of those seasonal stores.  Many cool things in there, but more for parties and kids for the most part. Oh, and I managed to have a heart-jump-throat moment when one of the animatronic creatures—a giant spider—lunged at me.  Okay, not Halloween yet, but I’ve had my scare for the month. Haha.
   
   
6. Yesterday, I became excited. Why?  My good friend and fellow writer, sent me a copy of her first book in her Serenity Series, Secret, as a gift in the mail.  I’m going to have to hide it on myself perhaps, because it’s pulling me.  Yet, I’m already three books I’m reading simultaneously and have about two more after that which people have lent me.  Those must be read first so that they can be returned to their proper owners. And who knows how many more books I’m going to get soon, my birthday is just a couple weeks away.  Alas…, more books in this world than I can read, and I shall continue to build my library.

~Count your blessings, and whether things are bad or you’re doing well, find something good and hold on!

Much love!

~*~Alyse~*~