Tenths

Nine-tenths of the law.

            That is the joke and the truth of the day.

We're afraid of what could have been left by liars

            In our humble hole

In duffle bags and tassel purses--

What was of who we thought were friends and

Allies we would rather be on the right side of but

            Who twisted truth to their benefit in order for our safety net,

Our hospitality.

They took advantage like everyone except for one-tenth

Of "friends" in our circles that grow and shrink,

            Grow and shrink until

We are nothing but really just the two of us.

Best friends and partners,

            True ride or die always on each other's sides

Because we're all that we can rely and dig us out:

Of bad situations and crises;

            Provide laughter and light for each depressive spiral,

                        Always love and give budding strength when the other bends.

They laughed at us when we called and asked, "What do we do?"

But they understand that we declined calls from those

            We had believed and given shelter, food,

            And gave up our privacy because we chose kindness instead of hatred.

I hate that. We try and strive and to do as God's word,

Do unto others and go with the good--

Then the government and the county,

            Or the people we chance,

Chase us back to our quiet apartment tucked in the grove,

Trusting less and more cut-off.

Two plants that chose to be planted together and

Now are forced to reside, grow, entwined in a tiny pot.

If two are to become one, then I guess by something-tenths

            We're bound by more than just future precious-metal knots.

                        

To Those You'd Stand By, What They Don't Realize

Ever stop to think: I love too much,

Too much of my heart is out there

Each person another piece

And I'm burning myself down--

Burning my heart out in order for each of them

To have some peace?

It's like an eternal flame,

Love. And it isn't just the kind in romance novels--

Crossed-stars. You don't need those kind of things

To give birth to broken hearts.

No, all you have to do is spread yourself thin

Throw your whole-self into the world that you've created.

Friends, the extended family that you'd die for without a blood connection.

It's funny in a way, at least for me.

I don't ask for much, I'm like a giving-tree.

I flower and bloom, spread my branches across

To touch the souls of each person I hold dear and would

And will, stand through every storm with--for;

I'm that person who every one uses as their pillar

And offer to do the same, but never give in...

Well, hardly--rarely, give in,

Because my soul aches each time that I throw myself on a line,

And something happens which I can't control.

You can't control the ones you love

Nor the things that happen to them, to you.

It's hard. Loving others and yet even though they say that they love you,

There is, matter of fact, a sea of souls who love you,

But in the end you don't believe that any of them would do if the chance were given

A fraction of what you would or have done.

Jaded.

Can trust them with your life,

Trust them to try to hold to their words,

Trust them to fight for you or by your side--

But...can't trust them with your heart.

Can't trust that they won't walk out.

Because even with all this love, you--no, me--

Am scared because those are the ones you'd bare it all

Open yourself up and let them see the weaknesses and the strengths,

But you mostly try to only show the good and not let on

That loving them hurts. And you can't change that.

You would rather be strong or make them laugh

Than show that you want more, need more

Are worried that you give more than they

And take less...no, I don't mean just materially.

Material, that's the least of what you think about,

It's not an emotion. It's what's left when you take all that away--

Who you are.

Do they love you enough to stay, when everything

Every fraction of you is stripped down to the raw.

I'm rambling on, I suppose you could say--

But that's what I do when my feelings are involved

And I feel so spread, that if a bird were to fly into the window of my soul--

It'd crack.

Go Silent Like Stark Stars

She's going to be silent at some point.

You realize that, right?

You tell her you love her.

Tell her you need her.

Tell her that if there were a chance,

She'd be the weighing factor for your happiness;

That you both could be happy.

Together.

But you tell her that,

Give sweet words.

Memories.

Grab her around the waist when you meet--

Pulling her in, with a slow, gentle grace.

Everything is love.

In your touches.

Your movements.

Each other's sighs.

And then a switch it flipped,

Like on and off,

And she's forced back into your shadows.

She loves you, you know she always will.

She's said it,

But what more,

She's proved it.

You can't keep a woman like that hidden though.

You can't choose other lives without her being pivotal--

Not without her straightening her spine,

Smiling. Loving from inside.

Telling herself that she's fine being friends,

Even though it's the most complicated aspect of her own life,

And always will be.

She's going to find someone else, somehow, some place--

To be the second dawning, to give her a slice of happiness

That she is most deserving.

She will talk, but you may have to pull it out of her.

Where once she wished she could tell you everything,

Share every moment, she will bite her tongue.

You pushed this. You didn't understand that playing games was bad.

She was more worth to you than you could ever find,

And she deserved more than you,

But her heart was only yours.

Now. Now it's time for someone to steal a piece of that big heart.

She doesn't know where.

Doesn't know when.

Doesn't know who.

But she's willing to try.

She's hoping on stars in the sky.

The Saturday Six Eighteen

1. Saturday last week, my friend Chrissy and I got dressed up a bit, and went out for the night. Our first stop was the Batavia Downs since she wanted to play a voucher. I stood there entranced by the shiny lights that were everywhere.  I’m glad I don’t gamble, I’d be screwed due to the constant moving lights everywhere to distract me.  I’m too much like a cat at times, that the maze of all these lights and machines throw me off by myself.  I’m only a betting woman, when I know the answer in my heart, and follow my gut; that isn’t something that can be followed in the way of games. 
   
   After we were done out in Batavia, we came back to our hometown.  I can’t drink a lot right now, but that doesn’t matter.  We headed over to our local tavern, and enjoyed a live band, which did covers of country, some oldies, and some eighties. Around one in the morning, the band ended and the jukebox came on.  The tavern was a lot more crowded than when I went out the week before, and yet, still saw some... characters. It was a fun night though, and it was good to get out of the house.
   
   On another note, even though I cannot drink very much, we stopped at one bar in Batavia to see if they had karaoke (no, we didn’t get to sing though we wanted to), and since it doesn’t have a strong acidic base, I had a brown cow while there. Granted, I had to tell the bar matron how to make it, since she’d never heard of it. No, it’s not like a black Russian, though that’s what my friend thought. If you haven’t had one, it’s good. It’s pretty much an adult chocolate milk (so nicer to your system).  Combine Crème de Cocoa, milk, and ice, and voila!
   
   
2. Sunday, while my mama had her hands full, she walked me through making my first meatloaf; had enough for a week. She thought that I was going to go “Ew,” about the feeling of the mixture in my hands, with how gooey it was.  I didn’t, instead, my mom got to listen to me squeal and laugh over the icy coldness of the beef even though it’d been defrosting since the early morning. Cold gooey guck became a meal. Haha. Turned out well though.
   
   
3.  When I got home on Sunday, I was greeted by the smell of cinnamon and apples filling our whole house.  My mom was making homemade applesauce for the first time in a VERY long time. She had started an hour and a half before I got there, and when I walked in, was still slicing apples. It took her all day. One and a half five gallon buckets worth, at least. Damn, it was delicious. Most has been frozen for future consumption.
   
   
4. I attempted to teach myself to sew this week, so I could darn one of my carpetbags or handbag, whatever you want to call them. Turns out, I did the over-under stitch, and it came out okay. I’m not planning on embroidering anything soon, though I’ve always wished I knew how. Nor do I plan on any sewing projects, because even though the stitches are holding, they are not the best. Haha.
   
   
5. I had my first in person interview since I was seventeen, yesterday. The awesome part is that is was for subbing at the local elementary school, and my interviewer remembered me from when I was little. I was one of her first students for a gifted and talented children’s workshop that was during school hours.  I admit, the only thing I recall from that workshop was creating a flying cat hybrid animal. It’s nice though, that even though she only had me for a workshop in either the third or fourth grade, here I am at almost twenty-two, and she recognized my name and had it click when she saw my face. Granted, it was agreed upon, that with the red hair, I am often recognizable.  The interview seemed to be leaning in a positive way though, on the professional level.  And she understands why I decided not to go to college for education and would prefer to do something more in the human resources field after talking to me. So here’s hoping that I get the job, not just so I have some bit of income, but also so I can continue learning and gain experience to help me in the future. And in the process, give back a bit. It’ll definitely be interesting if I do get it, considering that the last time I spent in the elementary was when my sister went to high school there. I never got to do the switch over of buildings since the buildings themselves were switched the year that I was supposed to.
   
   
6. Last night, I went to my friend Jamie’s, where we spent a few hours making Jello and pudding shots for a party that is this weekend. I estimate a last count of 250, and when I got home, fell into bed. I really hope that many people eat them, granted…I may get my hands on the cheesecake ones if possible.
   
   

It’s Halloween time folks, so I hope you’re having fun, if you’re smitten with the holiday.  I myself, plan to makeshift myself into a gypsy with the miscellaneous clothes and accessories that I own. Finally, I have an excuse to be my funky self without my family giving me the look of “we’re not related to you.” Haha. Enjoy yourselves! If you don’t plan on dressing up, watch a flick, trick or treat, or as we do every year since I was little, have cider and donuts together as a family at Halloween comes to a close.

~Count your blessings, and whether things are bad or you’re doing well, find something good and hold on!

Much love!

~*~Alyse~*~

The Saturday Six Seventeen

1. On Saturday last week, my best friend from my college days was out to see me.  She came Friday, and was here for two nights.  We had dinner with my family, and she helped me wash dishes afterwards, on Friday night.  When my family went to hang out in the camper for a bit, we went up to my room, hooked up her laptop, and popped in a DVD.  We watched Mama Mia up there until my ma came up, and then moved the giggles downstairs.  It was odd to hang out in my bedroom I’ve had since I was little, because it hasn’t been since at least middle school that I actually chilled up there.  Haha.
   
   
2. Saturday, was a special artist’s birthday. Made and sent him a card, and did a shot with him that night.
   
   
3. I’ve gotten some headway in the job hunting mission, let’s see where things lead me.  Cross your fingers folks!
   
   
4. I’ve been making progress on a new writing project. It’s challenging me, and I’m loving every bit of it.
   
   
5. My friend Chrissy and I checked out the store, Spirit Halloween on Tuesday, in Geneseo. It’s one of those seasonal stores.  Many cool things in there, but more for parties and kids for the most part. Oh, and I managed to have a heart-jump-throat moment when one of the animatronic creatures—a giant spider—lunged at me.  Okay, not Halloween yet, but I’ve had my scare for the month. Haha.
   
   
6. Yesterday, I became excited. Why?  My good friend and fellow writer, sent me a copy of her first book in her Serenity Series, Secret, as a gift in the mail.  I’m going to have to hide it on myself perhaps, because it’s pulling me.  Yet, I’m already three books I’m reading simultaneously and have about two more after that which people have lent me.  Those must be read first so that they can be returned to their proper owners. And who knows how many more books I’m going to get soon, my birthday is just a couple weeks away.  Alas…, more books in this world than I can read, and I shall continue to build my library.

~Count your blessings, and whether things are bad or you’re doing well, find something good and hold on!

Much love!

~*~Alyse~*~

The Saturday Six Sixteen

1. I went to the eye doctor’s for the first time in almost two years and found out I needed a stronger prescription. It’s later in the week and my eyes are already starting to feel a bit better after all the stress they’ve been dealing with for about a month or so. And the headaches caused from it are starting to dissipate! It’s wonderful, and it also means I can focus better, for reading, writing, and editing.
   
   
2. I got to choose new frames, and now my face gets to choose between gold and purple. Haha. And I got to learn that spring frames are better than others, being more durable—explaining why my old ones had a hard time staying on my face when I had them, and eventually got somewhat warped.
   
   
3. Wednesday, when I got back into my town from Batavia, I met up with my friend Chrissy when she got out of work. It was a really good night; one we both sorely needed.  We walked around town for an hour, and then drove around back roads, before heading over to Geneseo for supper. Lots of talking. Some laughter. Stories. And good old Marilyn Manson playing in the car.
   
   
4. I edited and beta-read a snippet for one of my friends this week, helping her to get better at writing, and to practice editing more.  I’ve also been reading a little bit on things for editing, while working on my own work.  Always working hard in the writing world, just may be the actual creating, the editing process, or reading. I enjoy it and I know it’ll never stop providing me with a challenge in some sort of way. Here’s to the craft of words!
   
   
5. My friend M. R. Bryant had a Kindle sale from the first until today for her first book, Nation Nine. I talked with her last night, and the sale has been a larger success than one could have hoped!  If you haven’t yet, get yourself a copy and read the book, even if it’s after the sale is over. It’s a good read, especially if you like Dystopian literature, which is usually something I’m not a fan of myself, but I did like the Hunger Games trilogy, and I sincerely enjoyed my friend’s work.  Try it!  The second book in her series will be coming soon, so READ ya’ll. Hehe.
   
   
6. In my town, aside from the local YMCA, we also now have a gym that’s opened 24/7 which opened sometime during my college years. My friend Jamie took me there as a guest for my first time yesterday.  We worked out nearly two hours, where I did a tiny bit of arm and back work, some leg work with the machines, and did about eight miles through cardio (mainly using one of the bikes), constantly changing the resistance levels.  My body felt like jelly afterwards before it became numb, but oh man, it felt so good. I started liking working out during my last year of college, so needless to say, I found myself admitting that I missed it. My high school self would be in shock. Doing a tiny bit of yoga today to keep from locking too much, but you can tell you worked your ass off literally when all your muscles ache. It did allow me to sleep for the most part, better than I have most of the time.

~Count your blessings, and whether things are bad or you’re doing well, find something good and hold on!

Much love!

~*~Alyse~*~

The Tempest's Hour

***For Madeleine***

Rubbing the lotion into my hands,

I stared at my computer screen, trying to make sense

Of the articles I had yet to read.

My phone buzzed and rattled against my wooden desk,

Startling me out of slipping through space.

A message popped up when I flipped it open

To view the text I had received.

A message crying for help,

Barely comprehensible—

But I knew my friend well,

I knew she needed me.

So dropping everything else,

No thought in my head but fear,

            Worry,

                        Care,

I grabbed my phone in a blur

Along with my keys

And flew out of my chair,

            Across my room,

                        Out my door

Without a blink.

I ran down the stairwell

That was stationed beside my suite

Not bothering to wonder if my bare feet would trip

Over one of the cement steps

Separating my floor

            From hers.

Bursting forth, I tried with no avail

To swing open her bedroom door

Petrified of what I might find,

            But knowing I needed to be inside.

It was locked and I pounded

Saying her name.

My Mia, my Anne,

In pain had to scrabble

To unlock the door

            In order for aid.

When I finally made it through,

I felt my heart in my throat

Air missing from my lungs.

My friend was a crumpled mess

On her bedroom floor.

I dropped my belongings on the ground,

Closed the door,

And knelt down beside her.

I still recall the lightness of her body

As I took upon myself to get her moved.

Together, we managed to get her arm

Around my neck,

And I bore the little weight with my short stature

Across the room—

Putting her to bed.

We laid there for two

            Or three

Hours, as I held her in my arms

Shaking, stuttering,

Telling me to only call for help if she began to choke.

And thoughts raced through my head

Of ways to keep things under control

            If I had to

Call

            And wait

                        For help.

I didn’t have to though,

Just spoke to keep with calm

While holding her one hand

As her other kept twitching against my chest.

She muttered and words tumbled from her mouth

As her meds began to set.

The night was silent

All except for our breath

            And the tension surrounding our bubble.

When I was sure

That she would sleep and that the terror

Of the midnight,

And the ticking had slowed—

I bid her sleep well,

Snatched up my things, still on the floor,

And crept out the door.

I felt as if gravity was wanting to push me

To kneel, as I made my way back to my own place.

The rest of the world became dark

I had a new focus in the lens of my mind.

I cried for a few more hours,

Barely sleeping before I had to again, rise,

To greet everyone,

            Act as if everything was the same.

As if I weren’t scared of losing my friend.

The realization that she could have died

And I was one sprouting new wings.

Hope flutters inside your soul.

It hits you that what you knew mattered,

            Matters more than before.

Life. It’s to be cherished.

Friendship—you hug it.

True ties, you don’t let go.

Fight.

Don’t take flight.

Love.

It’s been a year, since those hours passed

And inside I still at times, shed tears.

I can still hear the shake in her voice

And the mini-me in my head coaching me to be calm, seem serene.

I worry about her often still,

Even though we now know her diagnosis.

I miss her often, tensing to leap up when she needs me.

Many things in my life have made me grow up, too quickly at times

            Or in ways others had no need to.

It’s the way of life.

But two or three hours,

Spent in anxious pandemonium,

And the friendship that is now for life and time after,

Altered me, made me grow.

I can’t go back to the woman from before,

And nor would I wish to.

I count the blessings even more so,

And learned that my heart that I always thought too big,

Is the right size, even if it contains pain,

Because I know that if possible,

All becomes less meaningful if you don’t make sacrifice.

            If you don’t show the care you speak of.

                        If you don’t express the love in your veins.

My friends are my family, the ones where it’s not blood that matters.

It’s the actions, the heart—the hearts.

Small things, like holding the hand of a friend

When she’s in pain, when she’s feeling alone

Just giving support, showing that there’s real care,

Providing love. Can help make one strong.

Make the bond of friends stronger,

You both survive better, knowing there’s each other.

Holding on. Leaning on. Pulling through.

Miss Thermopolis is to me

As I am fairy-godmother to her.

We’ve experienced real magic:

Getting through a night of terror,

And never leaving one another—

Pixie dust slips into our veins—

Friends. Family.

A hopeful Tolkien, a dreaming Lewis.

Two women.

            Stand tall.

                        We are no man.

We take upon us, courage that we do not see in ourselves, to push on.

We live.

            We create.

                        We breathe in and out

                                    What is in our hearts.

We are the brightest stars, in the moonlight.

Refuting literal farewells.

Staying by and by, in the night,

Together greeting sunlight.

We glitter, even though we are not gold.

The Saturday Six (Fifteen)

1.  I went driving twice earlier this week with my mom, taking routes I hadn’t taken yet. I also was driving a car both times, which was extremely different for me, since all I’ve practiced in is trucks.  I’m happy with the progress though, but wasn’t able to practice much more later in the week due to it raining all week, and no one’s been home much with time to help. Taking what I can get.

And trying hard not to put an S.O.S. online to my friends in the area with vehicles, asking them to help me practice/learn in return for baked goods. Not kidding. I’ve thought about baking for others in return for lessons.

2.  A week ago, I went to my friend Chrissy’s where for the first time in a long time, I just sat on the floor for over two hours, no music, no music, no nothing, just talking.  We’ve both been stressed and just vented. On just about everything, like a great purge. After, we went to the local Tops, bought a four-case of Jamaican-Me-Crazy wine coolers, a pint of Ben and Jerry’s (Karamel Sutra, to split), Kettle Salt and Vinegar chips, and those awesome sour Twizzlers we had that one time we went to the drive-in. We then watched Wanderlust, and capped off the night to music videos and parodies on youtube before sleeping hard. Guess you can say we sorely needed a stay-in girls’ night of some of the simplest of pleasures: friendship, comedy, and junk food. I’m glad for nights like that though, because even if they come about due to stress and sadness, etc, they help heal you a little bit to keep you going.  Kind of like a recharge without going out and being stupid.  And trust me, I’ve been wanting to go out and be stupid. Haha.

3.  Tuesday night, I was over the moon. I’m not one of those girls that generally chase, nor tries and tries to be noticed. It’s generally, here I am simply, you see me then let me know. Well…since my 21^stbirthday almost a year ago, I have been trying here and there to get just a hi from my favorite actor via Twitter. Usually, when an author, writer, or actor hasn’t responded, I’m like, well..okay, they’re busy, I get it. I’ve smiled though when some have responded to me, mostly just a couple of authors (Libba Bray, Alyson Noel) that I’m not friends with or a couple actors (Kris Holden-Ried, Rick Howland, and Robin Strasser) or when some well-known people follow me. It’s nice.

Well, after many once in a blue moon tweets to my favorite actor, he posted a simple Tweet asking how people were or what they were up to.  All I did was respond, stating I was working on one of my novels that’s in progress (it’ll be a long time before you see anything long from them, I’m more picky with my longer works than my short).

He answered me.

Milo Ventimiglia tweeted me.

And, I’m pretty sure my heart stopped, and a large part of me said that if I were to die right now, I would be happy. Then again, even though he’s fourteen years older than me, I always did say after I started watching his work, that I would happily marry him and bare his children in a heartbeat. Funny how we can be when we like someone, right?

But I don’t just like Milo for his looks, or voice, even though just in the physical sense he’s pretty damn sexy (future males in my life, don’t take it to heart, just because I like him doesn’t mean I’ll deny you, like some have oddly thought). I like him for the work he does usually. And honestly, if I could somehow, I would want to work with him. I wouldn’t have to fangirl and be with him, just working with him as colleuges would be nice. I don’t know how exactly, but you never know where the world will take you, or where your passions will take you. I mean, come on, when I was younger, I wanted to be a teacher and a writer that got published.  Now, I just want to be someone that helps others, and a writer who yes, still wants to be published but doesn’t have to have fame for it, but who also wants to have artists sing my lyrics, and would love to get on the other side of the writing world—editing, publishing.  So who knows, maybe I’ll be lucky and get to talk with Milo more in the future, maybe be blessed enough to work with him.

Don’t know.I do know though, that my positivity levels have been ultimately low lately, but that that ONE text from him, made my levels go up a good degree.  And isn’t that all we want from the people that look up to us, or that enjoy what we work hard to create, is to touch them somehow, even if it’s just a smile?

Now, if only the people that we care about in our actual lives and who we like, or love, could realize just how much even a phone call or text message can change things around for us? Haha.

 

Oh, and if you think this was the closest I could display to my excitement, when Libba Bray tweeted me for the first time a year ago:

 Think again when it came to Milo.

Anyways….

 …I’m just going to shut up for a bit about the Milo tweet now, so no one wants to take a frying pan to my head (inside joke between my mama and I this week, don’t ask). Besides, pretty sure there’s a high chance of me swooning and drooling later in the future. I’ll just enjoy this and be quiet.

4.  My friend, writer Jess Russell, deigned to tell me that her son has asked at times if they could visit me again. Not only do I love Jessica, she is like family to me, I love that her son wants to hang out with me as well. He’s got a great mom, and is a good kid. I’m still shocked at how extroverted he is at times, especially with how quickly he made friends when I took them to the park in my town over the summer. Hope to see them sometime before Christmas if possible, missing them both.

5.  Yesterday, I went job hunting, getting and handing in more applications. I walked around in my large raincoat, in the rain (was pouring most of the time) up and down Main Street in my town.  I’m now stuck waiting to hear anything, and will probably try to put out more applications next week.

Cross your fingers and wish me luck. I need it.

6.   I heard my mom say last night that you’d think people in our family would know that October 12^th is not a good day for our family. Note: I go “huh?” with a “what the heck ya talking about” look pasted across my face.  Apparently, every marriage that has occurred in our family, on that date, has ended in divorce. Now, I tend not to be a superstitious woman, but what about being the one that marries a couple on that day? You know, get ordained and tie two people together?  Okay…just realized how odd that sounds, but I’m writing this straight out of my head as I process.

I’m serious.

One of my friends wants to get married on that date someday in the future, and I promised to officiate when the time came.

I don’t want to jinx them.

I’m kind of hoping that my cousin that I don’t know, and his fiancée, end up having a long fruitful marriage, and kick this thing in the derrière.

Also…, a person I care about deeply, has that date as a birthday.  I really don’t need more things saying “no.” Partly because I’ll resent it more and find a way to say screw you more often on that subject, but still.

Alas, I think way too often these days, about some random things. And it doesn’t matter. Yet, the thought still pops into my head. And triggers dominoes.  Anyone else?

Please say I’m not alone in this. *faceplant*

~Count your blessings, and whether things are bad or you’re doing well, find something good and hold on!

Much love!

~*~Alyse~*~

PS—I had to refrain from posting any screen stills of Milo from That’s My Boy, and Pathology, considering I don’t know how young people are that are reading this.

The Saturday Six Twelve

1. I’ve been spending a lot more time with my friend Chrissy lately.  She is starting back to school after a long period away from it, this coming week, and Monday I went to Batavia with her because she wanted someone to 1) verify that she actually went to fill out the paperwork and schedule classes, 2) keep her from running.  It was quite odd to be back at a college, looking at school courses being scheduled and to see what is mostly, lost seventeen to nineteen year olds running around like puppies in search of bones. Another weird feeling for me being there, was not only is it a college, it was a community college.  I went to a larger scale college, so it felt more like I was walking through the halls of a large high school.  There’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just that it was a smaller campus than from where I spent four years.  I’m so proud of her though, getting back on the track she wants to be.
   
   
2. I got a small planner to put in my purse, so now I have a calendar that isn’t dependent on my phone, and allows me much better memory.  Honestly.  Since I’m lacking in a regular schedule and I generally function better writing things down.
   
   
3. Had to get a shot this week, and finally met a person handling the needle who agreed that there is a difference between liking tattoos (wanting more) and being scared as Hell of needles. I kept saying I wanted to get a tattoo done at the moment than be stuck with the two inches worth of steel that was shoved into my arm.  Shots help with the health, but are pain in the asses no one sees after they’re finished.  Tattoos create beauty as well as can represent a person after they’re finished; they are art and puzzle pieces, they last. I prefer the latter.
   
   
4. I framed some artwork this week finally, that someone really close to my heart had given me four years ago. There’s three drawings, and only two of them have left to go on my wall. That interesting endeavor is something I plan to do today while I have an empty house.
   
   
5. I heard about some job listings available for positions I never contemplated but that would be amazing, and that I qualify for; unfortunately, I can’t apply due to the jobs being in NYC and that’s on the other side of the state. Alas, if I had the funds, I’d try to go out that way and apply anyhow.   The good part about this though, is that it gave me ideas of jobs that I can look for, and for things about myself to put on my resumé that I had never thought of before.  It’s a defeat, but also a small gain. 
   
   
6. Finally, last night I went out with a few friends to a small bonfire.  Yesterday was probably the most I’ve laughed in a couple months, as well as was the best day I’ve had all month.  I thank my friends for that.  And we found out that Pizza Pringles and BBQ Pringles taste amazing together…but, don’t take my word for it, try the combo together!
   

One thing about today: my oldest nephew has his first football game today, GO BRYAN! <3

Oh, and to my fellow friends that are still in college, returning to college, or starting school to acquire their Masters or Law Degrees,  I know this coming week starts the next leg of it all for you, and I just want to say: Good Luck! Don't have too much fun, but then again, don't work way too much ;)

~Count your blessings, and whether things are bad or you’re doing well, find something good and hold on!

Much love!

~*~Alyse~*~

A Touch and Your Lips

I’m not the one you miss.

I’m not the one you’re aching for;

You’re just lookin’ for a simple kind of bliss—

The one that’s blessed with a kiss.

So come here,

You can stay the night.

We’ll stay up watching movies—

Staring into each other’s eyes.

Chorus:

But my heart—

That’s a different story.

It’s a bit harder to get,

Than just a touch and your lips.

Two friends can make love,

But just because your makin’ it,

Doesn’t mean that you’re in it—

Best believe it.

So come here,

You can stay the night.

We’ll stay up laughing—

Making each other feel alright.

Chorus

It’s a different story;

We’re just two friends,

But I’m not sure if you’re in it—

I can’t believe it.

My heart’s pounding

I’m wishing I was the one you were wanting

Day and night,

I just want you to stay…

My heart—

That’s a different story than

What you’re used to.

I want more than a touch and your lips.

I just want you.

The Saturday Six (Ten)

This week, it’s been hard for me to focus on any positives, due to an infection in regards to one of my wisdom teeth that I’ve been dealing with, so I’ve been hermit-ing it up.

1. For the moments that I’ve had somewhat of a voice, or been able to rest it, I’ve been grateful.  Been wondering what I should do if I should lose it completely, due to the fact that I no longer have my handy-dandy wipe board from my college days because it’s packed away in the upstairs of our barn.  Those things were handy when I’d lose my voice in high school, but…when you have a three-year-old nephew running around expecting you to talk, what are you supposed to do?
   
   I did get to the dentist, which means I’m on meds now and already a few days later am starting to get better.  I’m pretty sure, if able, at some point, I want these suckers out.
   
   
2. Monday, my parents were barely home, which was nice as I was able to have space, but that time was spent on the phone for three hours with loan people: the good news though, is that I figured out how to pay off some of my loans during grace before they accrued more interest. Any stressors I can get rid of, I will when I have the capability to do so.
   
   I managed to send in pay offs luckily, and have significantly decreased my funds, but even if it drains me a good percentage now, it will save me a lot more money in the end.
   
   So…, if you know a bit about me, you know that I don’t always see eye-to-eye with my father, and we often drive each other to our wits end.  That said, I still love him, and I know he still loves me, and small things, such as him coming home all the way from Avon just to bring me a homemade root beer from Tom Wahl’s is such a fact.  The first bad day to what turned into an awful week, and he does that.  It made me smile in my miserable state. Note: even if I’m sick of soda and want to step away from it, I’ll take homemade root beer any time.
   
   
3. I’ve finished reading Anastasia’s Secret by Susanne Dunlap finally. I liked the book, but it was a slow read, and heavens help me does slow reading sometimesannoy me.  I’ve become slower at reading during my college days, perhaps because I used to have to read so much a week for all my classes, that now my mind says to slow down.  I miss the days that I could breeze through an eight-hundred page novel in a day, ignoring everything else in the world and being able to recall everything months later!  Those were the days of glory, haha.  I did recently start reading Beautiful Creatures by Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl this week though.  I had thought the movie looked interesting, but have been told that it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be (doesn’t mean that I won’t give it a chance), but due to multiple friends’ personal libraries, I plan to read the books.  So far, I am digging the first one.
   
   I’m also still reading Frozen Past on my Kindle app by Richard C. Hale.  It’s good, but having a book on a computer is not the same as having a book in my own two hands.  Honestly, I’m starting to warm up to the idea of those little gadgets and becoming friends with the idea of owning one, so that I don’t have the backlighting that my laptop does.  And because I can curl up in a comfy seat or go for a ride to read one of the books that I’ve downloaded to read or research from, instead of sitting here, Indian style, with a lap desk to read, and eventually go cross-eyed. Honestly, it seams I can stare at a screen longer if I am writing or watching something, compared to staring at words.  I love to read, but unlike many things, I still am a traditionalist in reading.  The fact that friends and this are making the idea of owning a Kindle of my own more reasonable than two years ago, is something.  I’m slowly cozying up to this, yes, step back in shock.
   
   I realize I ramble whenever it comes to reading and things such as that, but let’s hope I don’t get caught in the spiral of how much things cost. My mind does that often since I had neared the end of college. So…if you ever think of getting me a gift, books are a good idea, or perhaps a cheap, working Kindle (that, may I mention, has a light, because I tried reading in bed with a flashlight which I haven’t done since high school days, and it’s a pain in the ass).  Music and movies are always pretty, too. As is weapons.  Then I have things to keep me occupied when I eventually have my own place and am not at whatever place I work.  The weapons wouldn’t keep me occupied, but I love shiny beautiful things such as those.  They’re inspiring, and here I am rambling again.  This is what happens due to me having very little talking ability all week, and being under the weather, sorry all!
    
4. Saturday of last week, I went to my friend Britt’s parents’ house, where she had a graduation from college/moving party.  She’s moving to South Carolina, and even though we haven’t been super tight the past few years due to school and jobs and living in different cities, I’m still going to miss her. She has always been a great person, ever since I met her when we were in the sixth grade.  I wish her safe travels and good luck with her future.  I’m half tempted to put her in touch with some of my family and friends that I have down south, or at least go online to the southern cookbook I have so she can know some good fixings.  I still suggest, due to the stories from my sister, that since she won’t be too far from Atlanta, Georgia, that she should visit Coca-Cola world at some point.
   
   I also caught up with Britt’s parents, her sisters, and our friends Laura and Bethany.  I haven’t seen or talked to Bethany since my graduation party four years ago, at least as far as I can remember, and she has recently gotten married.  Marriage seems to suit her so far, and I’m happy for her.  When I sat down to talk to her, she said that she saw that I was coming and was hoping to catch me—have I been missed? Well, I guess that’s what happens when you’ve known each other since you were five or six.
   
   
5. Sunday, I had gone to the movies with my dad, to see Man of Steal for my second time (dad’s first).  Most Superman movies suck the second time around in my opinion, but this one was still good the second time. And it may be the small town simple girl in me, but I honestly preferred, at least in way of sound, the normal theatre over IMAX.  I’m odd, I know, oh well…embrace it.
   
   By the way…Henry Cavil…you only seem to get sexier with age.  Yes, I said that.
   
   
6. Oh, snap! I forgot, cherry of the week, if the week were a god-awful screwed up sundae, you know, the kind were people put crushed pineapple on it or something, was: MY COLLEGE DIPLOMA CAME IN THE MAIL.  Guess it’s official, concrete, this surreal-ness and transition of my life is true…no more school, and I have a degree.  Okay, what’s next?  Come on life, give me something good, or at least something to work with. Haha.
   
   

I pose this question, that is mainly due to extreme curiosity (I’m a very curious being, luckily, I seem to have more than one life), and also due to writing.  I was invited to three weddings this year summer (only one that I wasn’t able to attend), and multiple friends have talked about futures, which include this topic in it.  And, Bethany as an example, many people I’ve known are getting married.  I am currently writing the engagement scene for one of my pieces, so for months and now this summer, what is on my mind?  Engagements and weddings.  No, I don’t plan to get hitched any time soon, one, I have no guy, and two, I’m not ready to settle down.  I’m just curious, if you’ve ever gotten engaged and/or married: how did the engagement happen?  Where did you get married?  Anything funny happen, or sentimental?  The writer in me wants to pick your brains!

~Count your blessings, and whether things are bad or you’re doing well, find something good and hold on!

Much love!

~*~Alyse~*~

P.S. Folks- Please pray that I get my voice back, I am now completely mute. I guess hoping I wasn’t going to get laryngitis didn’t do anything.  I’m going a bit crazy here. <3

The Saturday Six (Nine)

1. Last week, I spent some time with my best friend, Christine, and her boyfriend. We spent a good portion of the day at Darien Lake, which was surreal for me in some ways since I haven’t been on any rides since I was in high school. And of course, she talked me into sitting in the very front seat of each of the roller coasters we managed to get on.  And John won me a mini stuffed pink elephant (I wasn’t going to waste money on games).
   
   
2. Tuesday, I spent some time with Chrissy, where we drove through some of the towns surrounding our own, and then walked a few laps around our village park.  By eight, due to the fact that I’m not used to air conditioning (which we now have at my house) and that we did a lot of talking, my voice was raspy.  I won’t be surprised if I get laryngitis at some point this summer…hoping that me saying this will prevent it.
   
   
3. I got to watch a Jack Skelton Mickey Mouse tattoo get done in person.  I love watching tattoos come to life.  Part of me would like to try my hand at a tattoo gun, but anyone trusting me with one would be wrong, because that ink you can’t erase, and I’ve never had a steady hand, even when I did draw often.  I can just imagine the horror of me trying to do one single line!
   
   
4. Chrissy must truly love me, as well as trust me.  Wednesday night, when we got to my house, after my dad got our ’92 working again, that now that it is off the road, I’m using as a field truck…she got in the passenger seat and we went for a drive around my middle field.  That’s the first I’ve driven more than down to the burn pit from the house, since January.  Pitch black, and with only the normal headlights on, so I unfortunately didn’t go to the top field to practice at all since I could not see the sledding hill to drive up.  Due to the day, the people I had been with, and having Chrissy with me, I was mellow, which is an oddity.  The fact that someone I care about had told me not to kill her whilst driving earlier that day, note, I love ya, but thanks for the confidence.  Haha.  She helped me learn better on doing turns than what my dad has done.  It wasn’t driving on roads at all, which I really need to do (please, give me back roads), but it was progress. Afterwards, we slept in my parents’ camper.
   
   
5. Yesterday, I was dragged all over with my dad, but damn did he treat me to a fantastic lunch!  We stopped at the Varysburg Hotel, and had lunch at the bar there.  The owner/bartender was a nice person, and held good conversation (this is a must in my book).  Her pricing was decent, and Hell, her quesadillas were the best that I’ve ever tasted.  Giant, loaded with cheese, tomatoes (first I’ve ever had tomatoes in mine), and chunks of chicken instead of shredded.  I hadn’t eaten all day, but there was so much, that I had to force myself to finish the last bites of just the second slice.  The leftovers are awaiting me in the fridge for at some point.
   
   After lunch, we stopped at one of my dad’s buddy’s house that he has connections with due to the VFW.  As soon as I got out, their granddaughter came running up to me and barely left my side until her grandma finally got her down for a nap.  Even though I told her my name, she was adorable, going around calling me “Lady.” 
   
   
6. I had a surprise yesterday, when I was talking to my friend Melinda, who told me she had been recently talking to the philosophy professor we both had had at one time.  While she was talking to me, I immediately received a friend request from him, and spent a good portion of the night talking with him, in regards to life and Nietzche.  I honestly enjoyed our conversation, and hope to talk with him more in the future; I am pretty sure we could have some interesting things to discuss, and I know I can probably learn and discover more from him (now).

It’s funny, aside from when I wasn’t home, most of this past week is a blur.  I’ve no idea why.  I remember doing things here at the house, such as transcribing recipes and finally packing up my porcelain dolls, but the rest, it’s just not there. And yes, I did more when I was outside of the house than I am telling, but you all know by now, I don’t kiss life and tell every detail, what kind of writer or good human being would I be trying to be then?  Haha.  Well, I have yet to get ready for the day, and must do some heavy cleaning in the camper I mentioned today as well as I have a sayonara party to attend.  Hope you all are doing well, and if not…well, I’m sure you’ll find something even if it’s minute.

~Count your blessings, and whether things are bad or you’re doing well, find something good and hold on!

Much love!

~*~Alyse~*~

The Saturday Six (Eight)

1. My friend Steph, whom I call my Wifey, traveled out to our hometown to celebrate her brother’s 17^th birthday and I got to spend a few hours with her.  Wonderful!  We got with some of our friends as well, from our high school days, and nope, no being quiet occurred between any of us really.  I was also able to finally give her the birthday presents and birthday letter I had for her.  She was pleased to find what I had stored in the pretty box (that she plans on using for scrapbooking) because in it, I had her letter, a painted pilsner glass, a picture frame made completely of glass, a pillar candle (the scent of her favorite cupcake, strawberry) and a cupcake cookbook.  When it comes to people I care about, when I am capable of doing something, I hardly ever miss their birthday and do my best to make sure they know that I care and love them.  I do my best to think of nothing else but them when it comes to making someone feel special.  Haha.
   
   
2. Sunday, when Steph and I were at her parents’ house, I saw the mom of someone who matters to me.  It was wonderful, because I had ran into the whole family, and when she got out of the car, she exclaimed in what seemed to be good cheer to see me.  She has received more tattoos since I last saw them in January.  She liked having me around when she got one, because I was able to distract her with good and honest, real conversation.  Glad to know I’m not hard to forget.  =)
   
   
3. Tuesday, I was greeted with a wonderful surprise.  My lovey: Jess Russell, came out with her son to visit me.  She’s never been out here, and now she has truly learned what I mean when I’ve always said that I grew up in the sticks, and that there is nothing really within walking distance from my parents’ house.  She gaped at all the green, loved the views, and was surprised to find roads that had no lines on them.  She also said after I gave her a small tour of my town that if I had lived in the town and not the country, she would be jealous of me.  To outsiders, even though there’s nothing to do, they often see the quaintness of the area.  She also loved our public library, which, even though it’s small (at least to some others that I’ve stepped foot into before).  She enjoyed the way it is set up, and I was able to show her the area that I’ve shown very few people in my life: what my happy place was when I was a child…before the teen years had ever really hit.  What is that you may ask?  It is a wooden rocking chair in a small quiet room, in the downstairs of that said library.  Then is when I wished for silence.  Now is when I almost always need a background noise such as music or a television.  The need or craving to be left alone, to have privacy, and to be around something I am passionate about, etc, has never changed since then, though.  I’m just glad that one of the people that matter so much to me was able to come out here, as well as share a piece of me with her.  And you know what ended up happening?  She whisked me away with them to their place to escape for some of the week!
   
   
4. Thursday, when I got back from Jessica’s, my friend Jamie stopped by my house for a few hours.  I like when friends do that, as long as I’m awake.  Haha.
   
   
5. I ended up opening my first checking account this week….mainly for just the bills.  I want to do my best to try and pay off some of my loans before grace period ends, and I sorely need to build up credit.  So…yeah, checking account.  Even though I can never remember the proper way to fill out a check.
   
   
6. By the way, for the past four years, I have been obsessed with the Gilmore Girls.  I had gotten the first two seasons on DVD when I was a freshman in college, and then this week, happy days…I bought the third and fourth finally.  I don’t buy things online, so it’s a lot harder to find.  And the third season is my favorite season.  So, yayness!

There’s some other things that are small things that were good about this week, and even big in my eyes, but they’re either not things that I am willing to share with the public or that I cannot recall.  I’m having problems trying to figure out some things in my personal life, and am highly stressed.  Luckily, I did get some writing in and editing…as well as a bit of playing beta reader, in this week.  I am having this post while I’m away from my computer this weekend, so hopefully you all are doing well, and I am hopefully soaking up the rays somewhere not here and possibly with my best friend from Brockport.

~Count your blessings, and whether things are bad or you’re doing well, find something good and hold on!

Much love!

~*~Alyse~*~