To Those You'd Stand By, What They Don't Realize

Ever stop to think: I love too much,

Too much of my heart is out there

Each person another piece

And I'm burning myself down--

Burning my heart out in order for each of them

To have some peace?

It's like an eternal flame,

Love. And it isn't just the kind in romance novels--

Crossed-stars. You don't need those kind of things

To give birth to broken hearts.

No, all you have to do is spread yourself thin

Throw your whole-self into the world that you've created.

Friends, the extended family that you'd die for without a blood connection.

It's funny in a way, at least for me.

I don't ask for much, I'm like a giving-tree.

I flower and bloom, spread my branches across

To touch the souls of each person I hold dear and would

And will, stand through every storm with--for;

I'm that person who every one uses as their pillar

And offer to do the same, but never give in...

Well, hardly--rarely, give in,

Because my soul aches each time that I throw myself on a line,

And something happens which I can't control.

You can't control the ones you love

Nor the things that happen to them, to you.

It's hard. Loving others and yet even though they say that they love you,

There is, matter of fact, a sea of souls who love you,

But in the end you don't believe that any of them would do if the chance were given

A fraction of what you would or have done.

Jaded.

Can trust them with your life,

Trust them to try to hold to their words,

Trust them to fight for you or by your side--

But...can't trust them with your heart.

Can't trust that they won't walk out.

Because even with all this love, you--no, me--

Am scared because those are the ones you'd bare it all

Open yourself up and let them see the weaknesses and the strengths,

But you mostly try to only show the good and not let on

That loving them hurts. And you can't change that.

You would rather be strong or make them laugh

Than show that you want more, need more

Are worried that you give more than they

And take less...no, I don't mean just materially.

Material, that's the least of what you think about,

It's not an emotion. It's what's left when you take all that away--

Who you are.

Do they love you enough to stay, when everything

Every fraction of you is stripped down to the raw.

I'm rambling on, I suppose you could say--

But that's what I do when my feelings are involved

And I feel so spread, that if a bird were to fly into the window of my soul--

It'd crack.

Running Out of Wishing Wells

I think I’m running out of wishing wells

The universe is full of stars, and I think they’ve lost their powers.

I never wished on the clock,

But I blew out candles with prayers upon my breath.

Each kiss in which I partook,

Were hopes locked on lips for the love that was within;

The other kisses, the ones with the others,

The ones without markers upon my heart,

They were skipping stones I threw across the water

Trying to find feeling inside and reach for a flutter like butterflies

            Those kind in your stomach, but few achieved it.

            None were the hopes though, the wishes backed with feelings

The kind that makes you cry at night

            And in the daytime.

I wish for you, even though my mind has said stop.

Told you I feared hope, but it’s settled in and I’m scared.

You’ve become silent when it comes to the matters of our hearts once again,

            And I have an inkling that you’re running once more.

            Can’t handle the commitment to someone that’s good for you.

            Can’t handle the commitment to the one you know you can’t erase.

I know I can’t erase, but I’m not waiting.

            Not anymore.

You have to decide, I’ll still come, I’ll still love you,

But no more excuses, no more withholding.

Take a stand, otherwise, we’ll just keep revolving like earth, sun, moon

            The axis going around

                        And around.

I’ve become dizzy.

I will do my best with my life, but please decide

The coin you toss into the air,

            That’s my heart

Heads,

            Face love, have love

Tails,

            Run, imagine, acquire love façade.

Go ahead, throw it into whatever wells you have left,

I know we’re both coming to spiraling ends going

            “Where’s a wish when you need one?”

Please…someone grant.

Wave a wand, breathe in

Let an angel brush against.

Find me. We’ll talk,

            I’m back

Here I am, je suis ici

Come to me

I’m still living.