Go Silent Like Stark Stars

She's going to be silent at some point.

You realize that, right?

You tell her you love her.

Tell her you need her.

Tell her that if there were a chance,

She'd be the weighing factor for your happiness;

That you both could be happy.

Together.

But you tell her that,

Give sweet words.

Memories.

Grab her around the waist when you meet--

Pulling her in, with a slow, gentle grace.

Everything is love.

In your touches.

Your movements.

Each other's sighs.

And then a switch it flipped,

Like on and off,

And she's forced back into your shadows.

She loves you, you know she always will.

She's said it,

But what more,

She's proved it.

You can't keep a woman like that hidden though.

You can't choose other lives without her being pivotal--

Not without her straightening her spine,

Smiling. Loving from inside.

Telling herself that she's fine being friends,

Even though it's the most complicated aspect of her own life,

And always will be.

She's going to find someone else, somehow, some place--

To be the second dawning, to give her a slice of happiness

That she is most deserving.

She will talk, but you may have to pull it out of her.

Where once she wished she could tell you everything,

Share every moment, she will bite her tongue.

You pushed this. You didn't understand that playing games was bad.

She was more worth to you than you could ever find,

And she deserved more than you,

But her heart was only yours.

Now. Now it's time for someone to steal a piece of that big heart.

She doesn't know where.

Doesn't know when.

Doesn't know who.

But she's willing to try.

She's hoping on stars in the sky.

What It's Like

Heavens how I hate it.

Becoming incapacitated of breath,

A sort of fear shutting down all my reflexes.

I try like hell to suck in air through lips that wish to close,

And exhale--but pain, mental becomes physical,

And it pushes my chest.

If I don't turn my hands into fists,

My shaking shows--I feel powerless.

I am a strong woman.

I am a fighter, chin often held high.

I know humility; I am often shocked, surprised--

When people state the force of nature that I am.

When it hits, no matter how I cope,

No matter how hard I hold on--

I don't feel like the phoenix I know myself to be.

I feel weak.

            Don't, don't tell me to calm down.

Don't say I need to get over it.

            That this is a fear that is useless.

            I'm being stupid.

If I could, I would!

Don't you think that I would erase it?

Look at the character at my core--

            Do you really think I enjoy this?

This is not a crutch.

This is a battle I encounter. Often.

A battle I often cannot see coming quickly around life's bends.

Heavens help me, I want to stop the tears that spill.

And to breathe as if I'm flying--

Instead of a bird's cage doors slamming,

When all she wants is to sing.

When all she wants is to be free.

Naked Soul

I have never felt so bare.

Not to another, not even to my mirror.

Everything is stripped away, my bones, my skin;

All my flaws, my traits, my shine--

Are on the top of the surface like sea foam

As you wade through it, see me from inside.

You pass easily through, and I'm nervous as hell.

I've been with many, naked flesh I'm confident with, no sweat.

You make me nervous though, more than any other has--

My knees quake a little, that I'm glad you've lain me down.

You're so sweet and kind, while I laugh from my heart.

I never thought of feelings being like this,

And it makes me feel more scared perhaps than I ever have been before.

You pinky-promise me, staring into my eyes--

Past all the layers, to my very soul, and part of me

Never wants to let you go.

You Were the First Person

You were the first person, since the person I loved,

Who I deigned to let hold me, where it actually felt right. 

Where I was comfortable

And somewhat peaceful. 

It wasn’t my perfect,

My fairytale,

But it was right. 

I don’t regret it. 

In fact, I sort of miss it,

And I miss you. 

You are also the only other guy

I fell asleep next to,

Let alone in the arms of,

Besides the one my heart’s with, 

That I could fall asleep with so quickly—easily—

And slip away.

It hurts that you’re not around.

The silence,

The lack of laughter,

The music and eyes meeting.

You were a friend,

I still want you as a friend.

I thought I saw a beautiful soul, thirsty to grow.

Don’t stop growing,

But try to grow towards the sun,

Not the shadows.

You don’t belong in the shadows.

The shadows are where others like I, belong.

You may have been mean,

You may have done me wrong,

But I know I was doing wrong as well.

Trying to open the love sector of my heart,

To give you a chance outside of friendship,

Outside of attraction,

But my heart won’t turn off the love for the other.

Telling you I felt for you was wrong.

That was our mistake. Choking on the water.

I miss you, so yes, don’t stop the talk.

I know from my past, it won’t be the same,

But you are beautiful inside,

Don’t let anyone tell you different.

Don’t tell yourself different.

I never lied about what I saw,

So grow,

Open your leaves.

Offer another peace.

Offer yourself peace.

The Other Fish Within The Sea

Please don’t call me sweetheart,

I might vomit from the fear.

Please don’t fall so easily,

I may break your heart before you have the chance.

Please don’t call me yours,

My heart is someone else’s.

Please don’t speak of settling,

It’s hard for me to see a future without him.

I cannot stay, so I move on.

Part of me still listens though,

For when my love comes to my door.

I can give you friendship,

I can bring you ease…

You are stress relief,

The other fish within the sea.

I want to step away

Give you the simple yes you seek,

But I cannot, because while I can mix and mingle

My heart still waits to hear its heartsong sing.

I hate to admit, but I’ve that hope inside,

That kind whose seed buries deep.

Yes, I like you

That goes without saying.

Do I foresee a future?

Don’t hate me for not believing.

I have one in mind

That I thought was broken long ago

But once again,

Lightning struck and the dreams came creeping back.

I want to say yes,

Trust me, I do.

However, I don’t know what kind of answer to give

When I could have all I ever wanted

With the one that compliments, completes

If I just hang on a little longer.

Could you wait? That’s cruel of me to ask.

You’re kind and sweet

But I don’t know, if even though you think me cute

If you could ever handle the real me

That is beneath.

Just Like Love

There’s a heart slowly beating

In this chest of mine.

It’s waiting for you to come

Tell me the truth,

Tell me how you really feel.

Chorus:

Do you know the drumming of war?

It’s fast, scary, and absolutely terrifying.

Then again, you get moments,

You can feel like you’re flying—

It’s an adrenaline rush.

Just like love.

I can still remember,

When our eyes first met.

Something stirred inside me

I swear it was kismet;

Pretty sure my soul was ready to speak.

Chorus

Isn’t it funny how

All of these little things

They stick in your head and won’t get out.

The trueness of the situation

Is that, I don’t wanna live without you.

Chorus

So I keep, I keep holding on.

I try to run free,

But you, you’ve got me good and strong.

I’d give up everything

If it meant, one last night

In your arms, by your side.