You Were the First Person

You were the first person, since the person I loved,

Who I deigned to let hold me, where it actually felt right. 

Where I was comfortable

And somewhat peaceful. 

It wasn’t my perfect,

My fairytale,

But it was right. 

I don’t regret it. 

In fact, I sort of miss it,

And I miss you. 

You are also the only other guy

I fell asleep next to,

Let alone in the arms of,

Besides the one my heart’s with, 

That I could fall asleep with so quickly—easily—

And slip away.

It hurts that you’re not around.

The silence,

The lack of laughter,

The music and eyes meeting.

You were a friend,

I still want you as a friend.

I thought I saw a beautiful soul, thirsty to grow.

Don’t stop growing,

But try to grow towards the sun,

Not the shadows.

You don’t belong in the shadows.

The shadows are where others like I, belong.

You may have been mean,

You may have done me wrong,

But I know I was doing wrong as well.

Trying to open the love sector of my heart,

To give you a chance outside of friendship,

Outside of attraction,

But my heart won’t turn off the love for the other.

Telling you I felt for you was wrong.

That was our mistake. Choking on the water.

I miss you, so yes, don’t stop the talk.

I know from my past, it won’t be the same,

But you are beautiful inside,

Don’t let anyone tell you different.

Don’t tell yourself different.

I never lied about what I saw,

So grow,

Open your leaves.

Offer another peace.

Offer yourself peace.

Love Is.

To one who never knew real love

When you say you never felt this strong.

Love is not always getting your way

Love has no room for insecurity,

            Distrust,

            Smothering.

Love to me is not the moonbeams and the magic that they hold.

Love is stormy and the calm before,

            The feeling after.

Love is lightning, striking other clouds

            Branching to the ground,

You feel the rumble.

It isn’t the smell of sunshine, in my eyes

It is more like one that mellows me,

Creates a peace inside that I keep quiet about.

For me, love is where the rest of the world becomes silent

            I don’t need to laugh constantly

            I can lay there, side by side or against one’s chest

And breathe in the way that I no longer feel burdened.

There is much to be learned about love—

And it’s best when it’s a two-way street.

I know what it’s like for the complicated,

I don’t believe that love remaining is easy,

            Trust me, I’ve tried to toss it away.

It comes naturally, and often grows

Like the amount of freckles you often see

On my skin as they multiply.

It remains forever.

Lust is different.  Crushes are different.

Love hurts, love wins.

Love is acceptance of the differences,

Not praying for change

            Instead allowing for personal

            Evolution.

It takes time.

It takes patience.

It takes realizations

            And sincerity

Without apologizing every minute

            For each person being his or herself.

It makes time fly

            While going slow.

It becomes a lifetime

            Swallowed whole in the palm of your hand.

Outweighs everything else

Gets rid of pedestals.

Eventually, the bad and the push and pull

It becomes muted

Because you learn the meaning

You learn the impact

You learn just how much the other means to you

            And what they provide for you—

            It isn’t material

Yet it is literal.

You hold on even though others may never understand.

Love is the constant

            Even though the people advance or diverge.

Me and the one that slips inside

Without him or I giving a blink—

Is sort of like a lighthouse

On the distance shores…

Calling me, marking home.

Sometimes there’s fog and mountains blocking our way

But love always returns home

Because home is where the heart surely is.