At Least for a While

Mama, I've got a feeling

That blue skies are ahead,

That they're coming for us.

I think we've got to keep hoping--

I know it's hard to believe.

Chorus 1:

We've been hurt and downtrodden,

Had out hearts broken, in way too many ways.

We're at the bottom of the rocks

And we're scrambling to climb up.

I know that we both want, these tears to stop falling.

Chorus 2:

So here I am, crossing my fingers

Praying for this pain to the end,

If not for long, at least for a while

We need a little clean air to breathe,

Instead of all this suffocating negativity that seems to cling.

Mama, we've just got to hold on

The grass is going to grow

And flowers have got to bloom

I think we're going to be all right--

No one's ever had friends like you and I.

Chorus 1

Chorus 2

We've been hurt and downtrodden

We're at the bottom of the rocks,

We're scrambling to climb up.

And we're going to make it,

I know in my heart we're going to make it.

I've got to believe it,

At least for a while.

Silent Wonders Wander

Am I carrying you, my secrets and shadows?

Are you finally starting to exist in a larger matter,

That isn't just at home in my mind, a figment of dreams?

Are you solid, the type of creation that when you're grown,

I can hold you in my hands, rock you in my arms?

Only one can be your other maker, my partner in sin--

The one I always wanted, saw at the end of the fantastical aisle.

Are you here? Are you real?

I'm scared but you're who I've always wanted.

I wait and tense, sick with fear and ill with anticipation.

But two lines don't appear, blood is negative.

Part of me is relieved, I don't want you to be in this world just yet.

Part of me is dying once again, because you would've been my biggest dream come true.

Hope that runs on the thin edge of a mental wall, crumbled and high.

I fall, I climb.

Perhaps

No worries, philosophy free of drama.

We aim, we strive, we hope and crave,

We revolve and rotate. Aching.

We need to spend time together,

It’s a given no one else truly sees.

We want and you promise—

Promises being the only thing that guarantees I’ll wait.

A lion, strong and tall you stand

Dark mane to your shoulders,

Eyes. Eyes that upon the occasion have looked at me

And seen through. With you, I am not bulletproof.

I’m not the cocky madam who’s witty and sly,

Knocking men down like surprised flies

Who allow me a comfort palace,

They smile and want to please—

No, with you, I am most quiet.

I am demure yet open.

With others, almost nothing but one act

Can shut my mind silent.

Everything else is loud and in my head, broken.

They see the fun, they see the wild,

They entertain the girl with her hair let down.

You nourish the heart.

You twine like two knotted pinkies around my soul.

I always come back,

Invisible ties calling me home.

For you I would run

For you I would give up

I’d change the drama,

Embrace with open arms, opportunity—

The kind both of us have always dreamed.

Two peas whose love story

Has been hard, always.

Whose feelings, hidden,

Come easy.

Lost souls where one is often giving birth to faith

In the other. Now we are both teetering,

Perhaps it’s time? Take hands—

Hold tight, grab on to happiness with fight,

We’ll take flight.

We need to be in this together,

Not fall back on being lone rangers.

No worries, problems will be taken on,

Saddle the burdens as one,

White light surround us.

What do you say? Carry on, make this present turn to future—

And be ours?

Possibility

I was afraid to hope

But I did it anyways.

You were the one I gave my heart to,

A piece of me is always yours

The way a piece of stardust

Will always belong to the infinite universe.

I’m still going to talk;

Still going to hold you in reverence.

My dreams were you

And now I’m going to fold them up

Like worn love letters

Into a heart-shaped box enclosed by ribs.

I’m going to give someone

That makes me feel like a princess of the fae

A chance.

He’s of a different sort than you

I feel it in my bones,

And even though I miss you,

I’m not going to pass up the possibility

Of an alternate future,

When there’s someone I feel for

Who adores me

And who is always there.

This is a new opportunity for me,

And I’m grasping straws these days

For things to keep me here,

So yeah, I hoped for us

And for the most part

I’ve given up on anything

But sporadic friendship.

Now, I’m afraid to not hope

That there may be something out there for me

To at least want my body

With all that goes with it:

The heart,

The mind,

The soul,

The woman inside…

To want all of it, enough to give

The terminology of “us”

A try.

Seven Little Words

Seven little words

I dream of

Just seven little words

I hope for

Can you stay a little while

Just stay and talk

We don’t have to expect anything

But be the two of us.

Seven little words

They bind us

Just seven little words

You have me

Can you take the stand

I’ll gladly take your hand

We don’t have to be anything

But the two of us.

Seven little words

I see you

Just seven little words

I believe in

Stay by my side

I’ll show you what’s inside

We don’t have to rush

But just be the two of us.

Seven little words

So kiss me

Just seven little words

I’ll show you

You are what I need

And it’s time we had our chance

The door opened again

When you said, you loved me still.

Seven little words

Just seven little words

Yeah, I never stopped loving you, too.

The Other Fish Within The Sea

Please don’t call me sweetheart,

I might vomit from the fear.

Please don’t fall so easily,

I may break your heart before you have the chance.

Please don’t call me yours,

My heart is someone else’s.

Please don’t speak of settling,

It’s hard for me to see a future without him.

I cannot stay, so I move on.

Part of me still listens though,

For when my love comes to my door.

I can give you friendship,

I can bring you ease…

You are stress relief,

The other fish within the sea.

I want to step away

Give you the simple yes you seek,

But I cannot, because while I can mix and mingle

My heart still waits to hear its heartsong sing.

I hate to admit, but I’ve that hope inside,

That kind whose seed buries deep.

Yes, I like you

That goes without saying.

Do I foresee a future?

Don’t hate me for not believing.

I have one in mind

That I thought was broken long ago

But once again,

Lightning struck and the dreams came creeping back.

I want to say yes,

Trust me, I do.

However, I don’t know what kind of answer to give

When I could have all I ever wanted

With the one that compliments, completes

If I just hang on a little longer.

Could you wait? That’s cruel of me to ask.

You’re kind and sweet

But I don’t know, if even though you think me cute

If you could ever handle the real me

That is beneath.

If You Will

You said that you're here now,

But you're proving my need

To not hope

Because I never know for how long.

Don't profess your love

And speak the sweet words

Of misery

And longing

When at the drop of a pin

You could disappear for what seems a century.

Stay awhile, if you will.

Hold my hand,

Pull me close,

Never let go like you did before.

Pull the hood down that you hide within,

Reveal the character that strikes at my heart...

The one which drives me to the balance of insanity and sane.

Lightning

A memory slips in.

My heart skips a beat.

I don’t know what to feel,

What to think.

My body shudders.

The earth turns on its axis.

Another year comes

And is gone.

Look to the night sky

As lightning strikes—

Remembering your soft lips

As we stood on the porch steps.

For months, after you left

I built walls, like yours.

I numbed myself when it came to men;

No one could get in.

Then one summer night,

I stood alone on a balcony,

My head tilted upward as I stared

At the stars up high.

A cool breeze brushed against my arms

As I slipped off my shoes, my feet bare,

I felt as my arms hung limply by my sides,

As the walls deteriorated

And all that was left,

Was the spirit, the essence,

The memory of my heartache—

That of me and you.

My breath was caught in my throat

As far in the distance,

Heat lightning flashed and fireworks exploded.

Imaginary arms wrapped themselves around me,

And in that moment,

Not only did I miss you,

I knew it was time to stop hiding—

Time to move on, move forward.

My heart couldn’t take it,

Someone driven by love and here on earth because of it,

Should not fear it.

Yes, you broke me.

It was like somehow the diamond in the rough,

Was ground to dust—

I was choking on it.

Tears flow freely,

Your name is a sting to my flesh.

The sight of you causes all my senses to crash.

As friends shake me, ask if I’m okay

But I’m just gone from this plane—

It’s a temporary escape.

One day, I shall face.

My prayer is to walk up to you,

I’ll smile—

For I was the angel you needed,

And nothing should be forgotten,

But from the depths of what is me,

I erase my pride.

All is forgiven.

My love for you, I’m sure will continue on,

Though the love for myself has grown.

And as I mark the end to my first twenty years,

I know now that life goes on

And there are chapters after Gursslin.

Peace for me; it does exist.

I can have happiness, and contentment once again,

No matter how fleeting,

It is there.

I hope you are well.

I send kisses on the beams of white light.

You’re welcome to enter my life again,

I’ll welcome you with open arms,

But leave the walls and veil,

At our history’s door.

I do not know what lies in store,

I just want you to know—

I’m doing alright on my own.

Look to the sky, when night falls

Think of me, the warmth of my hand

The friendship that shall always exist.

You are not alone, out there in the world,

I still care, you’ve got someone on your side.

Romantic entanglement—maybe it’s not for us,

Just follow your heart,

Let your spirit whisper—

Don’t tell it to hush like you used to.

True love happens when lightning strikes.

Hope Walked Out

So you’ve found a new girl, you say

Didn’t want me getting my hopes up

It’s your way of telling me

That there ain’t an us.

Chorus:

Well this isn’t a love song

That I’m singing this time.

Baby, hope walked out of this heart,

Walked out long ago.

Don’t worry, I won’t get excited anytime soon.

But baby I still miss you,

And that hole in my chest still loves you.

I’m hoping that she makes you happy,

You’ve been hurt once too often in the past

I’m your friend so I’m standing here

Wishing you the best.

Chorus

Do I want you happy and in love?

The answer to the question will always be yes.

Do I want it to be someone else, hell no, I don’t.

I’m always going to be left wondering: what if?

Chorus

Baby, hope walked out of this heart,

But that hold in my chest still loves you.