***For Madeleine***
Rubbing the lotion into my hands,
I stared at my computer screen, trying to make sense
Of the articles I had yet to read.
My phone buzzed and rattled against my wooden desk,
Startling me out of slipping through space.
A message popped up when I flipped it open
To view the text I had received.
A message crying for help,
Barely comprehensible—
But I knew my friend well,
I knew she needed me.
So dropping everything else,
No thought in my head but fear,
Worry,
Care,
I grabbed my phone in a blur
Along with my keys
And flew out of my chair,
Across my
room,
Out
my door
Without a blink.
I ran down the stairwell
That was stationed beside my suite
Not bothering to wonder if my bare feet would trip
Over one of the cement steps
Separating my floor
From hers.
Bursting forth, I tried with no avail
To swing open her bedroom door
Petrified of what I might find,
But knowing
I needed to be inside.
It was locked and I pounded
Saying her name.
My Mia, my Anne,
In pain had to scrabble
To unlock the door
In order
for aid.
When I finally made it through,
I felt my heart in my throat
Air missing from my lungs.
My friend was a crumpled mess
On her bedroom floor.
I dropped my belongings on the ground,
Closed the door,
And knelt down beside her.
I still recall the lightness of her body
As I took upon myself to get her moved.
Together, we managed to get her arm
Around my neck,
And I bore the little weight with my short stature
Across the room—
Putting her to bed.
We laid there for two
Or three
Hours, as I held her in my arms
Shaking, stuttering,
Telling me to only call for help if she began to choke.
And thoughts raced through my head
Of ways to keep things under control
If I had to
Call
And wait
For
help.
I didn’t have to though,
Just spoke to keep with calm
While holding her one hand
As her other kept twitching against my chest.
She muttered and words tumbled from her mouth
As her meds began to set.
The night was silent
All except for our breath
And the
tension surrounding our bubble.
When I was sure
That she would sleep and that the terror
Of the midnight,
And the ticking had slowed—
I bid her sleep well,
Snatched up my things, still on the floor,
And crept out the door.
I felt as if gravity was wanting to push me
To kneel, as I made my way back to my own place.
The rest of the world became dark
I had a new focus in the lens of my mind.
I cried for a few more hours,
Barely sleeping before I had to again, rise,
To greet everyone,
Act as if
everything was the same.
As if I weren’t scared of losing my friend.
The realization that she could have died
And I was one sprouting new wings.
Hope flutters inside your soul.
It hits you that what you knew mattered,
Matters
more than before.
Life. It’s to be cherished.
Friendship—you hug it.
True ties, you don’t let go.
Fight.
Don’t take flight.
Love.
It’s been a year, since those hours passed
And inside I still at times, shed tears.
I can still hear the shake in her voice
And the mini-me in my head coaching me to be calm, seem
serene.
I worry about her often still,
Even though we now know her diagnosis.
I miss her often, tensing to leap up when she needs me.
Many things in my life have made me grow up, too quickly at
times
Or in ways
others had no need to.
It’s the way of life.
But two or three hours,
Spent in anxious pandemonium,
And the friendship that is now for life and time after,
Altered me, made me grow.
I can’t go back to the woman from before,
And nor would I wish to.
I count the blessings even more so,
And learned that my heart that I always thought too big,
Is the right size, even if it contains pain,
Because I know that if possible,
All becomes less meaningful if you don’t make sacrifice.
If you
don’t show the care you speak of.
If
you don’t express the love in your veins.
My friends are my family, the ones where it’s not blood that
matters.
It’s the actions, the heart—the hearts.
Small things, like holding the hand of a friend
When she’s in pain, when she’s feeling alone
Just giving support, showing that there’s real care,
Providing love. Can help make one strong.
Make the bond of friends stronger,
You both survive better, knowing there’s each other.
Holding on. Leaning on. Pulling through.
Miss Thermopolis is to me
As I am fairy-godmother to her.
We’ve experienced real magic:
Getting through a night of terror,
And never leaving one another—
Pixie dust slips into our veins—
Friends. Family.
A hopeful Tolkien, a dreaming Lewis.
Two women.
Stand tall.
We
are no man.
We take upon us, courage that we do not see in ourselves, to
push on.
We live.
We create.
We
breathe in and out
What
is in our hearts.
We are the brightest stars, in the moonlight.
Refuting literal farewells.
Staying by and by, in the night,
Together greeting sunlight.
We glitter, even though we are not gold.
