No Longer Looking Back

My love for you, is the Milky Way.

A big piece of me, will always remain yours.

When lightning strikes, my heart will ache

With smiles that will never be.

But I'm pushing on, going to unfurl my wings and fly.

I'm going to continue to grow, and be the star, a sun, in the sky

Who's searching for the Universe.

Accepted, wanted, not pushed, truly loved--

And less tears cried.

To find a second home, that I can call mine, forever.

Breaking Another

I jumped in too deep,

I gave my heart too quick.

This isn't me, and my soul's a little sick.

My gut's in knots, I'm a little suffocated,

And in order to breathe, I know I'll have to do

What's against what I want,

In order to receive, what I need.

Breathe. Air. Self. Me.

I must break another,

To save what I've worked hard to gain:

My sanity--

My identity.

Hidden By An Inhale

I suck in air, a deep breath in, to my diaphragm.

I can feel the muscles in my abdomen clench

As the warm air stings like cold ice against my teeth.

That's the physical of my actions, of what I'm willing to show anymore.

I'm not going to show you anymore, if I can.

I'm fighting it.

With that deep inhale, I am stuffing my heart

As it suffocates, down my throat back between my ribs where it belongs.

My eyes want their windows to leak,

Cry tears of the heartache I live with each day,

But I refuse.

I'm fighting it.

I am going to be aloof to the relationship longed for.

Friendship is what is given, friendship is all that will be had.

You want more? I'm not going to give it.

I'm fighting it.

You'll have to fight for it.

Fight for more than just my hand and my love that comforts you.

On the nights that you're cold.

On the nights that you're lonely.

On the nights that you decide that you'll admit that you miss me.

Me though?

I'm fighting it.

I'm broken and shattered, but I've been that way for years.

You just reopen the scabs that refuse to heal.

The blood though, I'm going to use as fuel.

Power me, push me.

You're going to love me more,

While I'll hold these walls up, with a lean-to with my back,

Grinding my teeth, clenching my eyelids shut, my lips pressed tight.

I'll be real. More real than before, if that's truly possible.

I'll make you dream.

I know I dream.

I'll always dream.

I'm fighting it.

Kept it Inside

You came in and my heart stopped.

I asked the bartender to pour me another shot.

You knew I was there,

You couldn’t stop looking.

Chorus:

I wanted to scream.

I wanted to rage.

I wanted to cry.

Biting my tongue,

Holding my breath.

I kept it inside.

It was a knife to my chest the moment you kissed her.

A stranger that I didn’t know.

You keep sayin’ that you love me.

But your actions are tellin’ a different story.

Chorus

Don’t keep playing with me.

I’m gonna be pulling away.

You might have thought that I’d always stay,

But I stopped waiting on you.

Chorus

I’m gone.

I’m going.

You broke us

With a married woman.

Chorus

Biting my tongue,

Holding my breath.

Biting my tongue,

Holding my breath.

I kept it inside.

Why I Let It All Go

Three shots of tequila, I’m growin’ weak

Memory comes in, like the tide of a sea.

Come on baby, don’t you know

Don’t you know what it is that you’re doin’ to me?

The heartache of a kiss is like a dagger to me.

Another drink in, my tongue loosens

The warmth of the liquor spreads through my skin.

Come on baby, do you even remember

Do you even remember when I let it all go?

You’re why I let it all go.

Chorus:

When you find the one you want to be with

When you find the one that you need

It’s easy for the rest of the world to slip away.

You’re why I let it all go.

And the heartache of a kiss is like a dagger to me.

I’m getting pretty tipsy, fuzzy thoughts consuming

This isn’t me, I just want to drink you down the drain.

Come on baby, don’t you know

Don’t you know what it is that you’re doin’ to me?

The heartache of a kiss is like a dagger to me.

Pay the bartender, he looks me up and down

A wave and a glance, I walk on out.

Come on baby, do you even remember

Do you even remember when I let it all go?

You’re why I let it all go.

Chorus

The memory of your kiss is what’s making my heart bleed.

Heartache

I don’t want to be another heartache

You tell all the girls about—

The one’s you wanna get with

And let down.

I don’t wanna be that woman,

Another story,

Becoming your history,

Instead of you and me.

Chorus:

I wanna be the one you miss,

That you miss so bad.

I wanna be the one, you can’t live without,

And you wake up in fear that I’m gone.

But that’s just wishful thinking—

Thinking I was your number one.

You always said that I was different,

Finally wanted a chance

But then I turned around,

And got knocked flat on the ground.

With you all it ever took

Was a single word, just one look.

You tell every girl, you’re an open book

After all, you’ve always had me hooked.

Chorus

You walked away—

All I got was a text.

While the story you tell,

Is the heartache that I feel.

I breathe in and out,

Feel my heart clench—

Wait for it to dwindle,

You’re just another page of my past.

Chorus

Oh yeah, that’s just wishful thinking—

Thinking I was your number one.