I Want You to Know

I want you to know

I have no regrets

No regrets for ever loving you

I gave you my heart

And you held my soul

You were my true, true one

And a piece of me

Will never let you go

But I've finally realized

That while you will always be a part of me

Of my life...

It's time to never look back

At least not for me

I'll support you, hell, I'll raise a glass

For anything that will make you smile

You aren't mine though

You were never going to let that happen

And I'm happier without having you in my veins anymore

We're part of a messed up extended family

Hearts to hearts

And yet, I'm good

And damn I feel good not dwelling on my love for you

The pain and the sadness

The hurt and disappointment

I've shed it like skin

And risen

Whatever happens, come what may

I'm excited, because I can't see it

And I wouldn't be here

Wouldn't be who I am today

If I had never loved you

The way we loved.

Boys and Man

There once was one boy

That I was close to willing

To take a leap with,

Hold hands and move forward—

Until, after I decided that perhaps I could do it,

I was just running scared,

I received an email

“I tried to love you”

As if when you have feelings for one another

You must love, immediately.

I don’t understand it.

If you know truth, reality,

The way relationships go,

Then you know that not all start with love,

Not all end with love.

I never loved any of the boys that I officially dated.

I only love one man, one soul.

My mind finds it baffling,

That one would use that as a reason for leaving

Before the real going has gotten tough.

Run children, you may be of age but you’re not grown.

I think that perhaps, that’s why over the years,

I’ve just taken lovers.

Lovers have no obligations.

Feelings are nonsense.

Once emotions arise outside of attraction,

The more you will fall.

Yes, I’d like a relationship.

I’m tired of the lovers, the quick seductions

Kicking the males out after fun has happened.

I miss the being held.

I miss the emotions—

But stupidity and excuses,

Not being mature to say you’re just not in it,

They continue to make me hide

Continue to make me shut down and grow cold

Unless it’s to be warm to receive a shock of warmth in turn.

Relationships.

Liking. Acceptance. Growing.

Love.

I want it.

I’m starting to see that I may need it.

But then I hear the excuses from over the years,

And my middle digit rises to imaginary ghosts—

A tell off, a screw off,

A wall to protect myself.

I’d run into one person’s arms,

One I can trust.

One who even with all the excuses

Has taken accountability

And has grown up

Realized truths.

And yet, I remain torn

And ragged

With the fear

Even though I know the heart’s truths.

Twice the man he was when a boy.

My ghost and my present,

The only ghost that makes me hope

And not close doors goodbye.

I'm Done Caring

You must’ve lied,

When you promised to be my best friend.

Sworn to secrecy,

My life was in your hands.

Chorus:

You’re coming to me crying,

Expecting my shoulder to lean on.

I can’t provide it,

I don’t know who you are.

I’ve ripped you from my heart,

I’m done caring.

You threw everything in the fire.

What did you think would happen,

When you want me to live in the past

Instead of embrace my present,

And become who I was created to be?

Chorus

And you seem to think that

I’m going to love you until death,

When you threw my ex in my face

And said my replacement is more beautiful than I am.

Chorus

I’m the one that’s grown up,

Stopped with the adolescent drama.

Now I’m snipping the ties,

You can run to your boyfriend.