For a fleeting moment
I wonder if I should care.
You came back in, beautiful words spilling from your
fingertips.
The email was entitled,
“Everything
I Need to Say.”
I remember my heart slamming into my chest from the shock.
Worse than
each time, I saw that you had viewed my page.
What is there to say? It’s been a couple of months,
Since you
first found me, to speak, apologize—
But you never left the key.
You’re still the one with it, the one to my heart.
No key for
me
Yet I am free….
For now it seems.
I am not vindictive, not the sort to want you to know what
it’s like
To break…millions of little pieces of you floating around
As you scramble and fight to put yourself back together—
But you
won’t ever be the same.
Atoms rearrange.
There’s no returning to who, to what
The person you were in the past.
That’s me.
I broke and ran from who I was.
It took a few months; I built walls like you had preached
of.
I drank to be drunk.
I smoked to shut off my brain.
I gave my body so I could feel, but not love.
God was with me, just waited for me to be somewhat sane
So I could face the hurt and pain—
The fact of
that matter was that I just couldn’t handle my big heart being squeezed.
I may be a sponge for information, for beauty
But my heart is no play thing.
I’m strong, always have been,
Always will
be.
My heart though, you left….
You made the center of my being, weak.
You have forever been my kryptonite.
My soul just had to be ready to once again stand.
That is when I completely forgave, free floated,
Connected.
Thought of lightning.
Dropped the chains, the what ifs, the could-have-beens.
Funny how you contact me
Not even four weeks after I finished my poem
Where I erased my pride, and was beginning again.
