Lightning

A memory slips in.

My heart skips a beat.

I don’t know what to feel,

What to think.

My body shudders.

The earth turns on its axis.

Another year comes

And is gone.

Look to the night sky

As lightning strikes—

Remembering your soft lips

As we stood on the porch steps.

For months, after you left

I built walls, like yours.

I numbed myself when it came to men;

No one could get in.

Then one summer night,

I stood alone on a balcony,

My head tilted upward as I stared

At the stars up high.

A cool breeze brushed against my arms

As I slipped off my shoes, my feet bare,

I felt as my arms hung limply by my sides,

As the walls deteriorated

And all that was left,

Was the spirit, the essence,

The memory of my heartache—

That of me and you.

My breath was caught in my throat

As far in the distance,

Heat lightning flashed and fireworks exploded.

Imaginary arms wrapped themselves around me,

And in that moment,

Not only did I miss you,

I knew it was time to stop hiding—

Time to move on, move forward.

My heart couldn’t take it,

Someone driven by love and here on earth because of it,

Should not fear it.

Yes, you broke me.

It was like somehow the diamond in the rough,

Was ground to dust—

I was choking on it.

Tears flow freely,

Your name is a sting to my flesh.

The sight of you causes all my senses to crash.

As friends shake me, ask if I’m okay

But I’m just gone from this plane—

It’s a temporary escape.

One day, I shall face.

My prayer is to walk up to you,

I’ll smile—

For I was the angel you needed,

And nothing should be forgotten,

But from the depths of what is me,

I erase my pride.

All is forgiven.

My love for you, I’m sure will continue on,

Though the love for myself has grown.

And as I mark the end to my first twenty years,

I know now that life goes on

And there are chapters after Gursslin.

Peace for me; it does exist.

I can have happiness, and contentment once again,

No matter how fleeting,

It is there.

I hope you are well.

I send kisses on the beams of white light.

You’re welcome to enter my life again,

I’ll welcome you with open arms,

But leave the walls and veil,

At our history’s door.

I do not know what lies in store,

I just want you to know—

I’m doing alright on my own.

Look to the sky, when night falls

Think of me, the warmth of my hand

The friendship that shall always exist.

You are not alone, out there in the world,

I still care, you’ve got someone on your side.

Romantic entanglement—maybe it’s not for us,

Just follow your heart,

Let your spirit whisper—

Don’t tell it to hush like you used to.

True love happens when lightning strikes.

Message in the Stall

I was in a bathroom stall,

Waiting to go to a lecture on Cognitive thinking—

And its place in society.

Whilst I read the scrawl on the enclosed wall,

My temper began to rise.

For incompetence was in front of my eyes.

Whomever had written in black Sharpie,

What she deemed “positive” and inspirational,

Should be clocked in the head with a two-by-four.

People with such ignorance to mix what she said next to

The good lines of “You are BEAUTIFUL”

And be-who-you-are statements,

That have long faded—

I’m sorry to say,

But I wish I could kick her ass.

I wonder how old she is,

What she has seen with her life…

A person who has faced the darkness

Would never say shit like that.

In uneven lining on the dirty surface,

This stranger had written:

“Giving up hope is the same as SUICIDE.”

Oh dear girl, how wrong you are,

Have you not known what either is like?

Well, it is evident you must not have,

Because one who has come near suicide,

Or lost someone close—

We know…oh yes, we KNOW

What it is that lurks inside

And what each entails.

You are thinking with the brainwashed mind

That anything negative is damnation, it appears.

Do you not realize

That even angels cry?

Saints have lost hope at times…not all of them committed suicide.

No, many pushed past, they found something within—

I think I see a paradox to the tale of Pandora’s box—

They did what they should have,

And many of them were killed,

Yet it was not by their own hand.

Dear girl, who writes on bathroom stalls,

Do me a favor, and look inside the human soul.

Do me a favor, and learn your history, psychology—

Understand the mind, the heart, the essence of humanity.

Here is a reminder, a quite real one at that

Before you start preaching and comparing a feeling to an act:

Hope can be regained,

A life cannot.

***Above is a picture of the real message the drove me to write this poem, written upon one of the stalls in Edwards Hall at the college I attend.

Previous State

I once was a romantic,

I was a fighter for love.

When I cared, I expanded my soul—

The casualty was my heart.

I waited, benched on the sidelines

For when contentment would increase—

Happiness achieved.

I wanted the amount of sacrifice,

The times I stepped aside,

To decrease.

Someone who felt so much,

And waited with a wary eye,

You’d think would deserve a special someone

The kind called “mine.”

Approach me, we’d do the dance.

I like you.

Hands held.

A kiss.

Foundation built, true friendship

What should equal reality’s form of bliss.

Another chunk of the beating organ,

Stolen from beneath my ribs instead.

Never again whole, cannot return

To previous innocence.

Worth the Memory

Love can bring you down

Just like a hurricane.

It can feel like heaven,

But it’s also hell.

Just a word, a whisper

Just a touch, a gesture

It can change your world—

Make you fall faster.

Chorus

Love lasts forever,

Even though it’s come and passed.

But keep believing, dreaming

‘Cause even the pain is worth the memory.

Say hello and smile,

A look can connect.

Walls are built to protect and hide,

Be that soldier that gets past.

Take on it all

No one can tell you what your heart says

Take the chance,

Stop with the regrets.

Chorus

Yeah…it’s worth the memory.