Thursday, May 22, 2014

Tattooed Kill

Goddamn.
How it kills.
To see you.
Talk about, post, fall again in love
With another girl.
She isn't me.
It won't last.
When has it ever last?
But I want you happy.
I want nothing but good in your life.
I'll support you through the dark,
Help you find the light.
It kills though.
I can't look,
Because as I watch,
The heart that keeps you tethered--
But always hidden in the sidelines of your world,
I ache because it's like a tiny, slim blade
Is carving sketches of memories
And silence, into the organ in my chest.
Like a tattoo.
Because, I can't stop.
I try to move on, but the love is yours.
Yours alone.
And goddamn,
It kills.
You choose another girl over the one
Who truly loves you
With her soul.

Thursday, May 15, 2014

What It's Like

Heavens how I hate it.
Becoming incapacitated of breath,
A sort of fear shutting down all my reflexes.
I try like hell to suck in air through lips that wish to close,
And exhale--but pain, mental becomes physical,
And it pushes my chest.
If I don't turn my hands into fists,
My shaking shows--I feel powerless.
I am a strong woman.
I am a fighter, chin often held high.
I know humility; I am often shocked, surprised--
When people state the force of nature that I am.
When it hits, no matter how I cope,
No matter how hard I hold on--
I don't feel like the phoenix I know myself to be.
I feel weak.
            Don't, don't tell me to calm down.
Don't say I need to get over it.
            That this is a fear that is useless.
            I'm being stupid.
If I could, I would!
Don't you think that I would erase it?
Look at the character at my core--
            Do you really think I enjoy this?
This is not a crutch.
This is a battle I encounter. Often.
A battle I often cannot see coming quickly around life's bends.
Heavens help me, I want to stop the tears that spill.
And to breathe as if I'm flying--
Instead of a bird's cage doors slamming,
When all she wants is to sing.
When all she wants is to be free.

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Secret

I stuck the match and issued the flame.
My favorite scent filled the air and flew to my mind,
Calming the chemicals unbalanced in a dance, a maze.
I ran the slender steel through the fire,
The metal smoking in a fine haze,
Watching the wax pool and the black leaving the gold and grey.
Hold it between my two fingers, as if poised to be thread.
Take a sigh, hold a breath, and hold it to porcelain flesh.
Physical pain that makes one clench and exhale,
But controlled, so no regrets.
It's easier than that inside, no tears fall from my eyes--
Unlike the world inside my head.

Unlike my heart.

Friday, May 2, 2014

Author Fun

I was tagged in a blog post by a fellow author, Laurie Lyons. The challenge is to answer the question and then tag other authors. This is our version of tag...yes, the author game is on.

This is hopefully going to be more fun than other games...I mean, you should see some of us on Facebook. On there, we've played other versions of tag where we have to post a segment from one of our work in progresses, or we list our favorite books. We're just like the rest of you with silly online games and tomfoolery...just, we get our nerd on. Our geek on. What have you. Even have fun with grammar sillies.

We're boring people, but with colorful personalities. Many of my friends in the writing world will have me laughing and in tears quicker than most others I know. And I learn a lot from them. Writing world, it's a family. Anyways...take in and embrace the game that we're deciding to share with all of you.

Here are my answers.

What are you working on right now?
I will be honest. I haven't been writing too much lately. My moods aren't cohesive with what I want to put on the page, and I feel like it's doing a disservice to what I want to say when I want to write, say, a romantic scene, when in reality, I'm avoiding anything romantic as much as possible. For instance, if I were to watch a movie right now, I would prefer to watch someone kick ass, lots of action or something. Romantic movies, especially when the romance or the relationship factor, is high, I avoid big time. That's the best way I can explain my mind set, and it's affecting the writing process, because when I write, I put a huge part of myself into the piece.

But, for my work in progresses, I do have things going on. I always have things going on. I have two novels that I've been working on forever now. One is in England, has a mob-like or gang family kind of set up in a way. It's for the most part, a love story. The other novel is kind of a college based book, with everything that goes on in the background of college in a way. You know, kind of a rock and roll vibe but with finals. Haha. The whole: sex, boys, love, drugs, drinking. But it's got a heart. There are also little short stories here and there that I work on, and my verse work: songs and poetry.

Other than the writing aspect, I'm working on the beginning of my editing career. Started my editing services last month, and am open for business. Feel free, if you're a writer/publisher/what have you, to give me holler.


How does this differ from others as its genre?
Ha, that's a hard question. I don't think about genres. Not really. I know I'm going to be having a short story coming out from 7DS Books at some point, and that's my first supernatural-esque story. It's different than other supernatural kinds of stories that I've read, but I don't know if it's different than many in the genre. I don't really truly agree with thinking about genres when you are writing, because then I feel as if it's a constriction. Figure out the genre after the piece is done. Leave that aspect to when you are trying to find a publisher or for the marketing aspect.

How does the writing process work?
I work with my pieces like a patch work quilt. I write in segments instead of straight through. It's easier for me, because my mind isn't always working in a linear path. If I have a scene on my mind, that's what I work on. There are many times, where I just sit down to a blank page, with a few lines or tiny brainstorms in my head, and just write. Then, I take what I have and figure things out from there. It's all one large puzzle. No one formula.

So those are my answers. I was supposed to tag three other authors that I know, but unfortunately, most of my friends in the writing world have already done this game. I guess I'm at the end of the road for this branch.