Hidden By An Inhale

I suck in air, a deep breath in, to my diaphragm.

I can feel the muscles in my abdomen clench

As the warm air stings like cold ice against my teeth.

That's the physical of my actions, of what I'm willing to show anymore.

I'm not going to show you anymore, if I can.

I'm fighting it.

With that deep inhale, I am stuffing my heart

As it suffocates, down my throat back between my ribs where it belongs.

My eyes want their windows to leak,

Cry tears of the heartache I live with each day,

But I refuse.

I'm fighting it.

I am going to be aloof to the relationship longed for.

Friendship is what is given, friendship is all that will be had.

You want more? I'm not going to give it.

I'm fighting it.

You'll have to fight for it.

Fight for more than just my hand and my love that comforts you.

On the nights that you're cold.

On the nights that you're lonely.

On the nights that you decide that you'll admit that you miss me.

Me though?

I'm fighting it.

I'm broken and shattered, but I've been that way for years.

You just reopen the scabs that refuse to heal.

The blood though, I'm going to use as fuel.

Power me, push me.

You're going to love me more,

While I'll hold these walls up, with a lean-to with my back,

Grinding my teeth, clenching my eyelids shut, my lips pressed tight.

I'll be real. More real than before, if that's truly possible.

I'll make you dream.

I know I dream.

I'll always dream.

I'm fighting it.

What Do You Think About

What do you think about, when you think of me?

Do you think of my lips and my ass?

My soft cream skin?

My laugh and smile?

The tears that sting my eyes?

My arms as they wrap around you, pulling you in,

Caressing away as many cares as I can?

Do you think about how much you miss me

Or how you wish you could tell me anything and everything,

But you're not sure where to start?

Do you think about the memories? The sighs?

The nights where I'd fall asleep against your chest?

Do you think about adventures you'd like to take me on?

Things you'd like to show me, teach me?

Do you wonder if I'm thinking about you?

Do you think about finally giving me all of your heart,

No excuses, no others, just giving it to the one who cares the most?

The one you once said you weren't sure how to give it to,

Even though you wanted to,

Who has always been patient in loving you?

Do you ever think, that I may walk away,

Turn my back, because of too much ache?

Do you think about how I may love you more than you'll ever realize,

And that perhaps you love me more than you'll ever show?

Do you ever think about how often I'm confused from your signals?

Your words and actions, and how sometimes, they don't intermingle?

What do you think about, when you think of your heart?

What do you think about, when you think of me?