Thursday, December 29, 2016

Shakespearean Mirror

It's funny how a man that swears to have loved me,
From the teenage years, until before I said I do
            To the right one for me
                        And wasn't you,
Could go hours and get rides for shades of me,
But only once for me did he--
After Helena and Hermia
            Before Ophelia,
The distraught and dark Hamlet who was more or less
A whiney, present day Mecrucio,
Have our backs until it no longer favored you.
            So in goodbye by making it clear
That I was better as a lighthouse for you
Who was only useful anymore as a silent painted portrait--
Rose red with thine petals at my feet,
            The I love you, love you not wishes which
Smolder to sharp thorns in my hands.
I'd rather the flowers I wear upon my crown.
Everything was your terms, and you grew scared when
As I realized other men in my life cared more than just words,
And would drive an hour no matter the weather
            Or pomp and circumstance,
To spend just an evening or afternoon.
No agenda. No intention to woo.
They didn't care I'd given my heart to my correct Romeo,
            Without pushing me to be their Juliet.
You act as if I am the one that did you wrong,
But after nails hammered in coffins and then
            Pried loose once more,
The assessment is more damage done to my heart,
            The one which is more whole
Due to true love's first kiss.
            The phantom of you will always be there,
A ghostly sonnet in caverns of old,
While real friends tend to flower beds by the lapping shore
Or throw pebbles of life to make the water
            Ripple with the growing wisdoms of time--
And my beloved watches over
            As the sun to warm my days
And the moon
            To illuminate
                        My darkest nights.

Saturday, October 29, 2016

Autumnal Goodbye

I stare out the window at the blustery autumn leaves,
Thinking of how this time last year
            Was full of turmoil and stress
Where we digressed and our souls took to wanting
Hibernation in our chests.
            We clung to those we still loved, while I also held tight
To the man I now consider my one.
            You could have won you know,
If you knew how to grow up before
            It was
                        Too late.
Like Peter Pan, the man I used to love
            Is still a boy. I grew up though,
And you weren't ready.
            He was. He is.
Now unlike last year, instead of pulling close
            And standing united,
Just as the red leaves,
            You remain in my veins--
But the faith and strength that was our love, our past,
The friendship tied with one love--
            You fall,
Fall down on cold ground and
You resurrect the queen who finally
            Must give up the knave that held
Her soul,
            Swearing  to keep it safe,
But has bruised and used it
            To where you were so close--
The last straw in this barren month
Where the ripest of apples are born
            And pressed and cooked
Into sweetness renewed; you taught
The queen how to be cold as fae may be,
            And he brought the warm
Fire that thawed his way to the side
            By me to be my king, humbling but raw.
You encased our endurance while creating
            Space for him and the ice walls, yourself.
I shall miss you, but I've changed
            And spread my wings that were
Once shattered; to rise as you stand low.
Towering over me, I no longer recognize
            The boy I gave my all, a stranger in my eyes.
I do not cry as I used to though;
Maybe we had to become close again,
            Tighter than we'd ever been,
So you could see what you'd miss and took for granted,
While I learned the difference between
A thimble and a compass.
I'm as naked as the trees become before my eyes,
But safe as the bark that has grown harder
            And beautiful
In its rough glory.
I'll miss the old you, the us in Neverland.
It's just time for me to grow up
            As you continue with the lost boys,
Skipping lightning across the water
            With all the rocks that eventually sink to the bottom;
Our memories, laughter, kisses, and friendship
Haze over our minds.
I'll love you always as I often told you I will and would,
It's just time that while I had faith and trust,
To leave and move on from the piece of my heart
            That only held pixie dust.

Friday, August 26, 2016

New World

I have come to a conclusion:
I am not the black sheep
            As I always had come to believe;
I am of the New World, New Order
            While they are of the old.
That is why similarities and cores are the same,
But I never fit. Like a circle
            Trying to be contained in too small
Of a box. They often kept me deflated
And when I attempted to breathe--
            Expand,
I would be pushed back down.
Now I am free and
            They try to catch
And contain me as I've spun
Off the designated axis,
            To revolve around a sun
Of my own design.

Friday, July 22, 2016

Bruised Knees

I am on my knees
Not because of glory
Reach out your hand,
Help me up.
I’ve been broken but am determined to rise.
            I may not have been bled with red,
But tears have spilled on my face and smeared across
My love's chest as he's held me shaking
            And each porcelain piece of me
Spider-cracked
            And
He
            Just
Gripped me in his arms tighter to act as the glue
That allows me to go further...
The one you blessed me with even though
Soap opera, midnight drama
            Has multiplied by ten-fold in my life
Since you placed him in my life to finally be recognized
And to un-melt my heart and fill past-pains,
            Assist me in re-finding myself,
Allowing me to love again.
You have given him,
But I've been knocked down so many times,
            And only just gotten up,
A little harder each blending chapter--
That I for once, to the best of my memory,
            Have doubted and questioned You;
My faith. The road ahead.
Roads have been dark,
            But Heaven
I have often wondered if the stars,
            They still move.

Tenths

Nine-tenths of the law.
            That is the joke and the truth of the day.
We're afraid of what could have been left by liars
            In our humble hole
In duffle bags and tassel purses--
What was of who we thought were friends and
Allies we would rather be on the right side of but
            Who twisted truth to their benefit in order for our safety net,
Our hospitality.
They took advantage like everyone except for one-tenth
Of "friends" in our circles that grow and shrink,
            Grow and shrink until
We are nothing but really just the two of us.
Best friends and partners,
            True ride or die always on each other's sides
Because we're all that we can rely and dig us out:
Of bad situations and crises;
            Provide laughter and light for each depressive spiral,
                        Always love and give budding strength when the other bends.
They laughed at us when we called and asked, "What do we do?"
But they understand that we declined calls from those
            We had believed and given shelter, food,
            And gave up our privacy because we chose kindness instead of hatred.
I hate that. We try and strive and to do as God's word,
Do unto others and go with the good--
Then the government and the county,
            Or the people we chance,
Chase us back to our quiet apartment tucked in the grove,
Trusting less and more cut-off.
Two plants that chose to be planted together and
Now are forced to reside, grow, entwined in a tiny pot.
If two are to become one, then I guess by something-tenths
            We're bound by more than just future precious-metal knots.