Silent Wonders Wander

Am I carrying you, my secrets and shadows?

Are you finally starting to exist in a larger matter,

That isn't just at home in my mind, a figment of dreams?

Are you solid, the type of creation that when you're grown,

I can hold you in my hands, rock you in my arms?

Only one can be your other maker, my partner in sin--

The one I always wanted, saw at the end of the fantastical aisle.

Are you here? Are you real?

I'm scared but you're who I've always wanted.

I wait and tense, sick with fear and ill with anticipation.

But two lines don't appear, blood is negative.

Part of me is relieved, I don't want you to be in this world just yet.

Part of me is dying once again, because you would've been my biggest dream come true.

Hope that runs on the thin edge of a mental wall, crumbled and high.

I fall, I climb.

You Were the First Person

You were the first person, since the person I loved,

Who I deigned to let hold me, where it actually felt right. 

Where I was comfortable

And somewhat peaceful. 

It wasn’t my perfect,

My fairytale,

But it was right. 

I don’t regret it. 

In fact, I sort of miss it,

And I miss you. 

You are also the only other guy

I fell asleep next to,

Let alone in the arms of,

Besides the one my heart’s with, 

That I could fall asleep with so quickly—easily—

And slip away.

It hurts that you’re not around.

The silence,

The lack of laughter,

The music and eyes meeting.

You were a friend,

I still want you as a friend.

I thought I saw a beautiful soul, thirsty to grow.

Don’t stop growing,

But try to grow towards the sun,

Not the shadows.

You don’t belong in the shadows.

The shadows are where others like I, belong.

You may have been mean,

You may have done me wrong,

But I know I was doing wrong as well.

Trying to open the love sector of my heart,

To give you a chance outside of friendship,

Outside of attraction,

But my heart won’t turn off the love for the other.

Telling you I felt for you was wrong.

That was our mistake. Choking on the water.

I miss you, so yes, don’t stop the talk.

I know from my past, it won’t be the same,

But you are beautiful inside,

Don’t let anyone tell you different.

Don’t tell yourself different.

I never lied about what I saw,

So grow,

Open your leaves.

Offer another peace.

Offer yourself peace.