Bruised Knees

I am on my knees

Not because of glory

Reach out your hand,

Help me up.

I’ve been broken but am determined to rise.

            I may not have been bled with red,

But tears have spilled on my face and smeared across

My love's chest as he's held me shaking

            And each porcelain piece of me

Spider-cracked

            And

He

            Just

Gripped me in his arms tighter to act as the glue

That allows me to go further...

The one you blessed me with even though

Soap opera, midnight drama

            Has multiplied by ten-fold in my life

Since you placed him in my life to finally be recognized

And to un-melt my heart and fill past-pains,

            Assist me in re-finding myself,

Allowing me to love again.

You have given him,

But I've been knocked down so many times,

            And only just gotten up,

A little harder each blending chapter--

That I for once, to the best of my memory,

            Have doubted and questioned You;

My faith. The road ahead.

Roads have been dark,

            But Heaven

I have often wondered if the stars,

            They still move.

Tenths

Nine-tenths of the law.

            That is the joke and the truth of the day.

We're afraid of what could have been left by liars

            In our humble hole

In duffle bags and tassel purses--

What was of who we thought were friends and

Allies we would rather be on the right side of but

            Who twisted truth to their benefit in order for our safety net,

Our hospitality.

They took advantage like everyone except for one-tenth

Of "friends" in our circles that grow and shrink,

            Grow and shrink until

We are nothing but really just the two of us.

Best friends and partners,

            True ride or die always on each other's sides

Because we're all that we can rely and dig us out:

Of bad situations and crises;

            Provide laughter and light for each depressive spiral,

                        Always love and give budding strength when the other bends.

They laughed at us when we called and asked, "What do we do?"

But they understand that we declined calls from those

            We had believed and given shelter, food,

            And gave up our privacy because we chose kindness instead of hatred.

I hate that. We try and strive and to do as God's word,

Do unto others and go with the good--

Then the government and the county,

            Or the people we chance,

Chase us back to our quiet apartment tucked in the grove,

Trusting less and more cut-off.

Two plants that chose to be planted together and

Now are forced to reside, grow, entwined in a tiny pot.

If two are to become one, then I guess by something-tenths

            We're bound by more than just future precious-metal knots.

                        

I'm Invincible

You say that I'm invincible

And my heart makes a sort of squeak

            In gratitude.

How'd I find a love who not only adores

            Every flaw, quirk, weird imperfection

And thinks so highly of me?

You say someone's got to,

Since I don't seem to myself.

I appreciate that the stars found me

Someone who's been through darkness

But breaks the clouds in mine.

I've pushed forward with obstinacy,

            Pride--

However, you pull me forward with

            Embracing moon shine.

A life raft on the tides;

You bring goodness that I don't give myself.

You say that I'm invincible,

When I feel the pull of my skin by my eyes,

The heaviness of headaches from too much stress,

            Overloads of anxiety kept bound

By tension in my muscles, tendons

Turning my small and fragile warrior's body

            Hard in knots.

I cringe at touch from aching joints that

            Are too stubborn to move with ease

And nerves extra sensitive to pressure.

By my emotions worn, my mind overworked

            With thoughts and mental processes.

I see everything that I have to fight through each day

            When I wake, that so many don't acknowledge

That I try to keep on the D and L as it all breaks me down.

You asked me just the other day

As to why I say

            That I am incredibly blessed to have you--

Well, you say that I'm invincible,

Even with my obstacles large and small.

You remind me of who I am,

That I don't have a quitter's soul,

And when I twitch to raise my hand in surrender,

You tell me you love me and whisper in my ear,

Just to remind me: I'm invincible.

Slow Motion

The brake peddle slowly meets the floor

As I reach in the center to change gears from drive

            To park.

I'm anxious and my nerves are buzzing.

I want to just slam and throw,

But take the extra seconds

To slow down--

I breathe with the forced gravity

I send to my bones.

Twenty seconds, that's the only time I steal for myself alone

Before I focus on not running, falling--

Not before I meet comfort in your arms,

I must be in the moment.

Too many times, emotions override or detachment

            Takes my place--

Not tonight though.

I refuse to let it.

The last time I got to be near you--

Be near you for more than hands held,

Grasped tight,

A fleeting hour,

Wish glass would break--

I'd lost my strength.

My self.

Clouds drew in, charcoal and grey.

My silver lining and moon were driven away,

Silent and unlit blues and reds

Disappeared in the distance as I stood.

Stood as if life ebbed away with each tear

Breeching the barricades of mascara-ed lashes

And staining my porcelain cheeks

            Ready to crack.

That day has haunted and provided sleepless nights.

Restless nights.

Nights of longing,

            Terror,

                        Sadness,

            Tossing-turning,

                        And ache-filled

            Dreams when my body could do nothing

But shut down from pushing--

The strides I took to fill all the minutes

            Between that goodbye moment

And the next kiss.

Every kiss.

Embrace.

Felt my soul wearing away, for I'd for the balance.

            The yin to my yang.

I was alive but not living.

Just praying.

            Hating. Damning.

                        Loving.

I'd have knelt in your favorite green summer dress,

On bare jagged stones until my knees bruised

            If it brought you home.

Now as I fight the tears of joy that wish to fill my eyes

Since the moment you called, surprising me with the news I'd hoped for--

And all the seconds I've bounced on my toes

Counting down time until I could arrive to this now:

I look down as I speed-walk,

Knowing that with my luck that my shoes

Will slide off or send me head-long

On the sidewalk if I most too quick--

I think for a second that I should have bought

            The other shoes we'd looked at just weeks before.

A small segment of me self-conscious--

            Knowing you'll point out that these black clogs

I've already scuffed,

Don't match my chocolate brown dress pants and silky flowered-blue top--

But I can't find it in me to care as my feet carry me closer

Jacket unzipped and wide-open, hair in disarray,

            To the store where with my friends

I'm told that you await.

I hesitate half a breath before the glass door with the open sign beckoning

And see you in the middles of everyone else

            Though I love them, they're blurred in the edges.

I burst through a lose all breath

            Because the bad has faded the moment I see you

In your black-grey striped sweatshirt and ruffled clean clothes--

My home is free....

And our group jumps to the side

As I nearly tackle you with my arms thrown wide around your nexk

No worries of falling,

Because as always

            You catch me and keep me standing.

Heart.

            Break.

                        Breath.

                                    Catch.

With a kiss I never want to end,

You set me down,

And I'm okay with facing the world.

Ask Alyse: The Writer World Questions Answered

**These are not answered in any particular order.**

Considering Amazon prohibited many reviews by "connected persons" judged by social media connections, what are the options for networking success, in your opinion?
--Create more ties and have them promote your work as much as you do by communicating with their own people, and ask them to boost reading status and hopefully the reviews. Amazon cannot fault all of us for our connections when in reality, most everyone is connected. I come from a small town, I know there are plenty who know of me, but I've no idea who they are; are we considered "connected persons" just because we live in the same town? No. We are connected by persons in the middle which create overlaps.

What do you like about writing? What do you not like?
--I like the creative process and the getting emotions or ideas out that may be bombs on the inside of the soul. I don't like that I work better with people not interrupting me but yet that's all that ever happens anymore...so I suppose the lack of respectability from others when you're actually in the zone.

What are your other interests?

--I like to help others, hanging out with loved ones, reading, traveling, anything creative catches my eye.

What were the early influences on your writing?

--Well, probably the fact that I've loved to read since before I can remember. I suppose some of the earliest influences would be the books I read as a child. I loved poetry, still do. And if you don't include the picture books from back then haha, then I suppose you could consider The Boxcar Children series by Gertrude Chandler Warner a major influence. I actually collect books in that series still, if I don't have one of them, I'll add it. There's so many, and I have always loved a good mystery as well as character strength and adventure. Oh, to have adventure.

Do you have a muse, like music?/What inspires your writing?

--I don't really have any one particular muse, unless I suppose you count the people in my life. I will play music sometimes when I write, but it's not a muse...I mean, I'll play a television in the background too as long as it's not too distracting nor news/westerns. Life events, literature, my travels, anything that sparks an idea that I can run with and bend inspires me.

What are you working on now, if anything?
--My projects haven't really altered in the past year. They've been at a stand still for awhile, but I hope to get back with them. It's driven me a little twitchy not being able to write and work on wips. Two novels, poetry book that I plan to encompass a long span of time. I've other short stories but unless asked to work on them, I want to work on the novels and poetry for now when it comes to my own creations.

What are your ambitions for your writing career?

--I want to do more editing for others and make a name for myself within that context. I want to publish my novels and my poetry book, and maybe compile my short stories into a collection. I wish to work with other writers for books, and maybe work with some people in the film industry to create plays or pieces fit for the screen. I'd also like to collaborate with singers and help create the lyrics. I want to conquer and have my hands in multiple aspects of the writing world over the years.

Which writers inspire you?

--There are really too many to count. Definitely J. R. R. Tolkien. And pro-female writers...I mean, have you read pieces by Libba Bray or Tamora Pierce? Strong characters that you can connect with.

How does writing change the writer?

--It can be a lifeline. And I don't mean in terms of money.

What genre are your books?

--The novels I'm writing I haven't type-casted into a category yet. I mean, they aren't fantasy or sy-fy though, I can tell you that. My short story that was published could probably be urban fantasy and/or sy-fy kind of...I don't really think about that.

Which actor/actress would you like to see playing the lead character from your most recent book?
--In Slayers? You know, I never thought about that.

How much research do you do?

--Depends on the piece or even the part of the piece. When I do research however, I love going on a tangent of it. I'm a research junkie at times.

Do you want to work with other writers on a book again in the future?
--I'd consider it.

Have you made much money writing?

--Not a single penny yet. And no, haven't seen it from Slayers and I think it's best not to dwell on it. However, there is a possibility I'll be doing freelance articles for the local newspaper at some point.

When did you decide to become a writer?

--I was seven.

Why do you write?

--It's a sanity thing at times. And my favorite form of expression. That, and it gets A LOT out of my head. And I just love it.

What made you decide to sit down and actually start something?
--When?

Do you write full-time or part-time?
--Whenever I can...

Do you have a special time to write or how is your day structured?
--No, but I would like to; I work a varied schedule and don't have the space or respect to be able to create that yet. I hope to one day. I like deadlines and such, so I know it would be helpful.

Do you aim for a set amount of words/pages per day?
--Only if I'm on a deadline for something.

Do you write on a typewriter, computer, dictate or longhand?

--Computer mostly, but I do carry multiple notebooks places so that if I have something come to me and I'm not near my laptop, I can jot it down. Sometimes you'll see me scribbling while I'm at work. And I have a voice recorder that once in a while I'll record into that while I do other things, but only if I'm by myself and not in public. I just started that actually.

Do you work to an outline or plot or do you prefer just see where an idea takes you?

--I have a relative outline in my head of some points I want to happen in a certain order, but normally I go where the idea takes me and then put together things like a puzzle or written quilt.

What is the hardest thing about writing?

--Getting the words from my brain to the paper or given the chance to even do it.

What is the easiest thing about writing?

--The grammaticism.

Do you ever get writer’s Block?

--Often.

Any tips on how to get through the dreaded writer’s block?

--I used to say to leave it and do whatever to distract your brain to stop obsessing, and then return and try again. I still hold true to that, even though I don't practice it like I used it. Shame on me.

What are your thoughts on writing a book series?
--I've thought about it, but let me get through the projects I've so far.

Do you read much and if so who are your favourite authors.
--I read as often as possible...and there's too many to list.

For your own reading, do you prefer ebooks or traditional paper/hard back books?

--I prefer traditional. I've nothing against ebooks although my brother will pick arguments with me forever on them, but I remember a book better and enjoy the tactile-ness when it comes to having real paper and ink in my hands instead of an electronic reader.

What book/s are you reading at present?

--I'm trying to finish Black Wings Has My Angel by Elliot Chaze, I just started reading The Diviners by Libba Bray while I was in the hospital, The Beedle and the Bard by J. K. Rowling, and Chasers of Light: The Typewriter series by Tyler Knott Gregson.

Who came up with the cover to Slayers?

--I've no idea, you will have to speak with the higher ups at 7DS Books. It's a pretty sick cover though, which makes me happy.

Do you think that the cover plays an important part in the buying process?
--Yes. While I believe the saying not to judge a book by its cover, it is an essential because when people are browsing online or walking through the store, that's what catches their eyes to make them stop and check it out.

What would you say are the main advantages and disadvantages of self-publishing against being published or the other way around?

--Advantage: you've more say in the format process, cover, etc. Disadvantage: less help advertising/marketing and you have less people likely to help edit so there's a chance of it being lower-quality...however, the latter is not always the case because those Fifty Shades books were mass-produced and were utter crap. (Yes, that's where I stand, be pissed if you wish.)

Do you have any advice for other authors on how to market their books?

--Network. Network. Network. And not just online. Connect with people.

What are your thoughts on good/bad reviews?
--Take them for what they are but don't let them get in your head.

What’s your views on social media for marketing?

--It's extremely useful, but for any feedback, take it with a grain of salt. Also, practice respect and humility and be humble. Just because you're using social media to put it out there does not mean that you need to take less care of others. Don't be a troll, but also don't listen to the trolls.

For editing, what’s your training?

--I've always had major attention to detail and been a grammar nerd, and I have a Bachelor's in English Creative Writing.

Do you consider yourself a confident or an anxious writer?

--Depends on my mood and what's going on in my life or mind.

Do you consider yourself a slow or a fast writer?

--Circumstances tend to matter; it can fluctuate.

Do you work from any kind of a plan?

--A somewhat organized mental one, but a messy one in written format. Unless it's for editing, then it's all organized.

Any tips on what to do and what not to do?

--You need to find things out for yourself and respect your audience. Show thankfulness, but I mean, don't think about your audience in every piece you write, because then you won't stay true to what the possibilities and honesty that your work can become. Don't ruin the potential. Oh, and explore, in both reading/writing as well as in your life, you'd be surprised what can become of it.

In what formats is your book available?

--Slayers is available in both ebook/kindle format I believe as well as hardcopy.

How can readers discover more about you and you work?
--Twitter. Youtube. Amazon. My blog. My like page on Facebook. Search for AlwaysAlyse and you should be able to hit at least one of them.