I'm Invincible

You say that I'm invincible

And my heart makes a sort of squeak

            In gratitude.

How'd I find a love who not only adores

            Every flaw, quirk, weird imperfection

And thinks so highly of me?

You say someone's got to,

Since I don't seem to myself.

I appreciate that the stars found me

Someone who's been through darkness

But breaks the clouds in mine.

I've pushed forward with obstinacy,

            Pride--

However, you pull me forward with

            Embracing moon shine.

A life raft on the tides;

You bring goodness that I don't give myself.

You say that I'm invincible,

When I feel the pull of my skin by my eyes,

The heaviness of headaches from too much stress,

            Overloads of anxiety kept bound

By tension in my muscles, tendons

Turning my small and fragile warrior's body

            Hard in knots.

I cringe at touch from aching joints that

            Are too stubborn to move with ease

And nerves extra sensitive to pressure.

By my emotions worn, my mind overworked

            With thoughts and mental processes.

I see everything that I have to fight through each day

            When I wake, that so many don't acknowledge

That I try to keep on the D and L as it all breaks me down.

You asked me just the other day

As to why I say

            That I am incredibly blessed to have you--

Well, you say that I'm invincible,

Even with my obstacles large and small.

You remind me of who I am,

That I don't have a quitter's soul,

And when I twitch to raise my hand in surrender,

You tell me you love me and whisper in my ear,

Just to remind me: I'm invincible.

Slow Motion

The brake peddle slowly meets the floor

As I reach in the center to change gears from drive

            To park.

I'm anxious and my nerves are buzzing.

I want to just slam and throw,

But take the extra seconds

To slow down--

I breathe with the forced gravity

I send to my bones.

Twenty seconds, that's the only time I steal for myself alone

Before I focus on not running, falling--

Not before I meet comfort in your arms,

I must be in the moment.

Too many times, emotions override or detachment

            Takes my place--

Not tonight though.

I refuse to let it.

The last time I got to be near you--

Be near you for more than hands held,

Grasped tight,

A fleeting hour,

Wish glass would break--

I'd lost my strength.

My self.

Clouds drew in, charcoal and grey.

My silver lining and moon were driven away,

Silent and unlit blues and reds

Disappeared in the distance as I stood.

Stood as if life ebbed away with each tear

Breeching the barricades of mascara-ed lashes

And staining my porcelain cheeks

            Ready to crack.

That day has haunted and provided sleepless nights.

Restless nights.

Nights of longing,

            Terror,

                        Sadness,

            Tossing-turning,

                        And ache-filled

            Dreams when my body could do nothing

But shut down from pushing--

The strides I took to fill all the minutes

            Between that goodbye moment

And the next kiss.

Every kiss.

Embrace.

Felt my soul wearing away, for I'd for the balance.

            The yin to my yang.

I was alive but not living.

Just praying.

            Hating. Damning.

                        Loving.

I'd have knelt in your favorite green summer dress,

On bare jagged stones until my knees bruised

            If it brought you home.

Now as I fight the tears of joy that wish to fill my eyes

Since the moment you called, surprising me with the news I'd hoped for--

And all the seconds I've bounced on my toes

Counting down time until I could arrive to this now:

I look down as I speed-walk,

Knowing that with my luck that my shoes

Will slide off or send me head-long

On the sidewalk if I most too quick--

I think for a second that I should have bought

            The other shoes we'd looked at just weeks before.

A small segment of me self-conscious--

            Knowing you'll point out that these black clogs

I've already scuffed,

Don't match my chocolate brown dress pants and silky flowered-blue top--

But I can't find it in me to care as my feet carry me closer

Jacket unzipped and wide-open, hair in disarray,

            To the store where with my friends

I'm told that you await.

I hesitate half a breath before the glass door with the open sign beckoning

And see you in the middles of everyone else

            Though I love them, they're blurred in the edges.

I burst through a lose all breath

            Because the bad has faded the moment I see you

In your black-grey striped sweatshirt and ruffled clean clothes--

My home is free....

And our group jumps to the side

As I nearly tackle you with my arms thrown wide around your nexk

No worries of falling,

Because as always

            You catch me and keep me standing.

Heart.

            Break.

                        Breath.

                                    Catch.

With a kiss I never want to end,

You set me down,

And I'm okay with facing the world.